I think you may be confused as to who you're responding to. I'm reading some outrage in your response that is directed towards others and their statements, nothing that I've written or believe.
There's no argument to be made. A (good) translator into another language with take into account the intent of the original language and translate it into a comparative version. That can mean changing stories, or idioms that no longer land in the new language.
I'm not the person who made any claim about reading speeds, and I would disagree wholeheartedly with that baseless statement.
Global owns the airing rights to SNL in Canada.