SadLuther

I can name one: hugging
~~God I'm so lonely~~

I don't know if it's "in stark contrast with the time of the year." A lot of people feel lonely around this period, because the holiday season and the festivities can shine a brutal spotlight on one's own lack of company. That's why it's easier to feel less alone when you're in the middle of nowhere, than when you're surrounded by hundreds of strangers.

I used to be like you, though at different times of the year. I never went to school proms, I skipped several field trips, I've never gone camping with friends, I've had maybe two sleepovers in my life and they were both with the same friend. It just always felt like my social life wasn't as rich and varied as it should have been.

Today, that's still the case. I don't really do much apart from work, sleep, and take care of household/family responsibilities. Or so I thought.

The world is a fucking big place, and life is fucking hard. Even those people who we envy for having big groups of friends, or for being in relationships all the time, or for celebrating holidays with fun parties...even they haven't got it all. In many cases, they're absolutely miserable despite their apparent lack of loneliness.

I've learned to enjoy the little things I have. I place great value on my free time, and I try not to let society dictate what a successful life looks like. Very often, the "model" structure isn't applicable to our own values and capabilities. Nor should it be.

If I manage to play video-games a couple of nights and go for a walk, I'd call that a good week. Parties? They're not all that, and if I get invited to one, then I can be happy about that. Field trips? I chose to save money on the fees and buy myself a camera instead. I still have that camera and it's given me hundreds of times more joy than three days on the Isle of Wight with a bunch of sweaty teenagers could've granted me. Relationships? Yeah, it sucks that I've never been in one. I think about that pretty often. But the right time will come, and I've matured and improved myself way more for being single this whole time.

A big part of it is just learning to relax and not get anxious over your fears about whether you're wasting your time. We could all be making slightly better use of our lives, but as long as we make an attempt, we don't need to beat ourselves up for not getting it right every single day.

You probably won't be able to change your mentality based on my writings alone. It's more complicated than that. It might take therapy, or it might take age. It might even take some trauma to help you (eventually) see something you missed before.

Life is constantly changing in ways we don't even notice. I firmly believe in a simple mantra: everything happens exactly as it needs to.

Call it destiny, God's plan, or cosmic determinism, it doesn't really matter. But there are no absolute failures and successes in life, just like there are no absolute rights and wrongs. They're all just shades of grey, and they all carry potential for learning and evolving.

OK, you didn't get to perform in that social function. Talk kindly to yourself about it. Why didn't you make it? Was there anything you could've done? What can you do the next time an opportunity like that appears? What were you able to do because you didn't participate in the function? What constructive meaning could this """failure""" have on your journey through life?

Try to see these events as having a purpose that extends beyond the moment and you'll unlock stronger reasons to keep living, and to keep trying. When you become aware of these long chains of cause and effect, that's when the beauty of life truly comes alive.

That sounds like a good rule to have.

I don't really have any hard, clearly-defined boundaries myself, but recently I've learned to prioritise my internal decision-making process when I'm under external pressures.

I used to go along with what everyone else suggested, because I didn't want the stress of having to argue or fight back against an idea I didn't agree with. I had been conditioned to avoid conflict because it was usually too much of a hassle to resolve when it could've easily been a calm, balanced conversation instead. So I'd just throw my hands up and say "Ah, whatever you think is best." And then be surprised or resentful when the ugly results inevitably showed themselves.

Now, I try to cross-check what someone else says is a good idea against my own judgements, rather than skipping that step entirely. It's like keeping a background application from crashing by giving it a higher priority over resource use so it won't get crushed by everything else.

This all sounds very vague, and that's because it is, but it's just the attitude I've been trying to maintain so that my inner voice doesn't get drowned out for being too quiet.

I can't speak for the specifics of how to use bidets, but in my experience the general idea is to use them to supplement your daily hygiene rather than as a replacement for toilet paper.

Where I come from (the Mediterranean), it's not customary to take a shower or a bath every single day. Personally, it's not possible because the frequent exposure to hot water dries out my skin and worsens my eczema. So the bidet is useful for keeping my private parts clean every day in absence of a full-body wash.

It's basically a mini bathtub for your crotch. You don't get into the shower every time you take a shit. Or do you?

Hey! Don't you know there's a whole dozen of us?

Oh ok, I misunderstood then. I thought you were playing a little game of word association, not suggesting an alternative. My bad!

They're a hippy for having emotions? Yikes. What does that tell you about your worldview?

True. I think Sad Luther needs to find a new home, with

Ohhh dude, that was so painful. The stars aligned for you to have a wonderful experience but you decided to be pretentious because you didn't know what else to do with yourself.

I'm sure you know by now that if you had owned up to your panic and worries by opening up to her, she would've jumped at the opportunity to be the one to "comfort" you.

Anyway, I'm gonna turn my preferred age range on Tinder up to 33 and see what happens. Wish me luck!

Ohhhhh I gotcha. Thanks for linking it to Wikipedia! I think I got confused because I didn't see the relation with stick, and I feel like the abbreviated form of the word used to describe a cigarette is quite an outdated term now.

Honestly when you mentioned smoke, I was thinking of it as a noun with the second context you mentioned. But not being a tobacco smoker myself, the devil's lettuce popped into my mind instead.

That would be a real shame, and kind of strange to block a particular community rather than the whole NSFW instance.

What client or app are you using?

Maybe I'll ask Flare about this. I don't want to cause problems seeing as Kya.Moe is supposedly an instance for their private use, but it would be good to know what's happening.

I'm a Brit and I can't figure out what word is a synonym for both stick AND smoke. Am I regarded?