MrBobDobalina

Right, so continue that thought into why you wouldn't be affected by it.

Perhaps you wouldn't actually feel quite so unwelcome in an education role as women might in STEM. I did a quick google to see if teaching was as female-dominated as STEM is male-dominated, and while yes it's very close, hilariously the first result was about how there is still a gender based wage gap issue even though it's so dominated in the other direction.... Interesting.

So while you might think you can really put yourself in their shoes by imagining yourself in a teaching role, now try imagining yourself as a woman in a male-dominated field, in a male-dominated society, in a male dominated world. Could be a little bit different, maybe

That's great! Same here, to be honest. But I also realise why it doesn't affect me, because as a man I've never felt unwelcome in these spaces purely on account of my gender.

Kind of like how as a white guy, I wouldn't really feel much other than a bit of surprise if someone called me a cracker. I haven't felt oppression and prejudice connected to that word, or any other that is to do with my whiteness. But I do NOT then turn around and say "well why are people upset about being called n-words? They should just move on with their day like I can!"

So, not 'exactly this'. I wrote that in my example an assumption had been made, whether I intended it or not.

Same as in the documentation this post is about, therefore the problem existed before it was pointed out.

The grammatical error to be fixed was the assumption in the language used. Both of these things are true. Pointing it out very simply, as part of providing the reason for the change, is completely normal

Ah OK, I think we're getting to the heart of why you are saying that this wasn't an issue.

When you say that the author wasn't assuming anything, what exactly do you mean? If, for example, I write in a guide that if a user of my software does 'a' then he can expect result 'b', do you disagree that I am assuming my users go by he/him pronouns?

I might not have done it with intention, but there is an assumption being made there. Words mean things.

You seem very, very sure of there being "LITERALLY" no problem with the gendered pronoun being used for an unknown user.

Instead of hand-waving it away as the author being male and just prefering his own pronouns in his writing, we could maybe consider where it is being written and why it might feel particularly non-inclusive? ie: a field that has historically been very intentionally uninviting to women?

Also, it's not like this was someone petitioning for a boycott over one assumed pronoun, they just quietly fixed the grammar and submitted the change. Absolutely nothing idiotic about it.

You gotta pace yourself, spread that evening beer out evenly across a year of evenings

Hmm. While I can see that and appreciate the inclusiveness of it, it still feels like the wrong choice to me. Maybe times are changing (obviously) and I need to get used to emojis being used in a more serious tone? But I don't know... Are we there yet?

Holy shit I hadn't clicked yet and hoped you were joking. I'm sure they mean well but I find that really disturbing, what a weird use of emoji...

Damn, yeah hard to give any benefit of the doubt when it's so opaque like you say. Very concerning

Not arguing, just want to be able to quote this confidently - can you link a source for this?

I can find some info about Australian-made aviation parts going to other countries as per existing agreements, who use them in aircraft that are then supplied to Israel. Which is absolutely still shit, but I can't find anything about direct weapon sales to / from Israel

Counterpoint - almost all jobs will have elements of this type of stressful fuckery. Use it as a learning experience, and do your best to navigate the constraints while maintaining professionalism and value to your employer.

It's a balance; if it's truly soul destroying then your health and happiness is more important, get out. However, the more you learn how to deal with this, the less likely you are to burn out in other jobs when they get shit like this. Not so that you can just suck it up and grind away for awful bosses, but so that you can give yourself the maximum options for you, and stress less while going through it.

You already seem to have the right mindset about trying to do this right, so the one thing I'll say is this: everything in writing, straight away. It's easy to get too relaxed about this when it's all going smoothly, but then something catches you out and it's too late (eg already been told not to bring it up again).

This part will feel awkward, but to protect yourself, you need to send your boss an email summarising your conversation and your understanding of the outcome (not updating). Frame it as a "I hear you, and I apologise for my previous insistence" if it helps smooth things over, but just make sure it outlines your previous queries and suggestions and their response to you. It's the only way to cover your own butt in these situations, and it's a great habit to get into after every conversation that has decisions or changes etc. Put it in writing as a summary: you can refer back to it later and it let's the other person know you understood their position / instruction

Yeah, definitely more about the tone and narrative for me, so I'd go with that plan and see it through!