EndlessApollo

I'm sorry if this is the wrong community for this, my problem is prob more from BPD or some other mental illness I have than directly autism, though depression and anxiety are common in autistic people. I posted in a BPD community but it's pretty dead, I hope this isn't too off topic for here, I just really need some advice on this and Idk who to ask besides my therapist.

My intrusive thoughts and mental state in general are a lot better now that I've had therapy and antidepressants for a few years, but one issue I still really struggle with is revisiting times when someone hurt me, intentionally or not, even if it's a resolved situation I'm not still mad about, and getting mad about it again.

Below are two examples, you don't need to read them but it might help explain my problem.

I did this a few months ago and drove away my fiance over a small mess she made in my place. She made it as a trauma response, we had a wonderful conversation about it after and I wasn't upset at her at all. But I managed to make it a huge deal in my head later, and since she'd said before she wants me to clean my space better or let her help clean, I thought she was a hypocritical asshole. I verbally abused her over text and made an ultimatum, saying she had to apologize for it or I wouldn't talk to her anymore. She left, blocked me on everything, and the engagement is off. We exchanged letters recently, and at least maybe we can still be friends again some day.

A more recent example is with my dad. I was trying to quit cigarettes and take a break from weed, so I asked him to hold onto my ID so I wouldn't be tempted to get any since I'm kinda addicted and can't control myself when I can get a fix. We went out and about for a doctor's appointment next to a dispensary, and I was gonna be super proud of myself for not having gotten anything there. But my dad thought I might wanna get some weed, so he brought my ID. While he was getting weed, I spent 15 minutes wailing and trying to resist getting stuff, but I caved and got weed and cigs. I still feel really ashamed about my lack of self control, and I think that event really fucked with my mindset about quitting and made it a lot harder to try again. I don't want to be mad at him, and I've already talked to him about it, but I'm trying to quit again, and I already struggle a lot more with intrusive thoughts like that while sober, but I'm having a really hard time not protecting my shame onto him. I don't want to talk to him about it again, i think he already feels really guilty for sabotaging my quit and I don't want to drag that back up.

Talking to the people I'm mad at about it can make me less upset, but I can't just bring up old shit like that every time my brain makes me upset about it. With my fiance I should've just talked to her about how I felt and we could've worked through it together, but that isn't the solution to most things like this, esp when they're already resolved issues.

Tl;Dr I sometimes dredge up old memories of others hurting me and make myself upset about them again, and I really need a healthy way to deal with them other than just bottling it up or talking to them about it every time

They don't give a fuck about minimizing suffering, they gladly eat food grown by slaves, or overconsume things some communities rely on, or replace things made of leather with things made of plastic that'll break down into microplastics. They force their shit into pets like cats who can't thrive on a vegan diet. And that's assuming they don't just call you a nazi for even having a pet, or steal your pet from you so they can kill it. And ofc they're just the most holier than thou pieces of shit anywhere, who think everyone who isn't vegan is literally as bad as a fascist.

Yall are weird. Really weird. And you don't have to be this harmful. Quit getting even more plastic shit, stop abusing pets, quit taking food from indigenous people who need it. You can minimize animal products without replacing them with even worse things, and failing to do so makes you just as much of an irredeemable fascist as the rest of us. Human suffering is not preferable to animal suffering. If you disagree, you are literally a sociopath

No matter how long I wait they just don't load. Usually I can see all of them just fine, even if some take longer to load.

KICK TECH BROS OUT OF 196

I'm sure we'll see more and more advanced bot accounts and customer service and the like (assuming it doesn't learn from other ML-made content until it becomes incomprehensible)

Hi :3