I was imagining a "I just wiped my hard drive and flashed the current version of Debian. Let's get basic services up."
I wish there was a "hey watch me code/self host" channel that helped noobs see how to approach the problem of starting. Usually their is a "hey watch me code" YouTube that is old enough to have a critical breaking point (some library updated) so a noob finds it impossible.
My dude, please get some professional help. I am religious, so if you ask me, I would point there, but seriously, you are worth it and you are at least worth the memes you post. I bet that you could grow a bunch from a place of stability, and have a pretty rad life to look forward to
Here is some other advice:
ask chat-gpt for some exercises to help you get your brain where it should be and a timeline. Then execute. Rinse repeat
reduce social media (including Lemmy) a good "cold turkey" break would be a cruise or something.
obtain physically proximate friends via volunteering at a local food bank or similar nonprofit.