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i came out as female to my family and close friends and they have all been very supportive 🥺❤️

My mom who I haven't seen in like six years is coming to stay with me for a little under a week. She hasn't seen me in person since I transitioned but is supportive despite her conservative leanings. She's also visiting me in here in Portland from where she lives in Texas so there's a double layer of "everything is okay, the city is not on fire" plus all the new trans stuff she's going to be asking about. So it'll be a week of doing my best to be an LGBTQ encyclopedia and Portland advocate while catching up with my mom. It should be okay, but it's going to be stressful 🥲

my first foster dog, chuck, is an absolute angel, and i don't say that lightly as somebody who is very realistic about a dog's personality. (my own two dogs are certified jerks, lol.) chuck gets along great with every dog he's met, loves kids, and the folks at the vet clinic said he just stood there while they did his exam, like nothing was even happening. i can attest to that, as i had to give him eye drops this evening. i've only had him about a week, and i doubt i'm going to have him much longer, because he's the dog everybody wants when they think of a great, chill pet.

My outside kitty ran away for 6 weeks and just came back on monday morning! I was getting into a bit of a depressive episode and had started mourning her, so having her back feels great.

Last night I grabbed a bunch of audio files for country songs that contain the phrase "ice cold beer," then I edited them together so that all the "ice cold beer"s lined up amidst the cacophony of about 5 songs being played at the same time. I thought that would be funny but it just didn't sound as good as I thought it would. Maybe if each song faded in one by one... I dunno.

Not terrible thus far. Getting over a cold and am already sick of hearing about the Twitter rebrand, but otherwise better than the past few days.

Really starting to wish that Lemmy had a way to block entire instances. It feels silly that my choices are to either block everything labeled as NSFW (including discussions, comics, etc that aren’t necessarily sexual in nature but not appropriate for work), or have to block an endless sea of furry porn on the “All” timeline, one community at a time (no judgement, just not what I’m on Lemmy for).

Moved to a small town earlier this year, tried to make friends, met some cool people, last month I found out one of the group was super openly transphobic, so I stopped hanging out with them. Tried to reconnect with some cousins, last week I found out one was a transphobe, homophobe, and racist, cut her off. Started to get close with a different one, found out yesterday that he was transphobic, cut him off. I'm not trans, but I don't want to be around idiots that think trans people are groomers. Feeling pretty goddamn isolated and terrible about myself. Wishing I could just stay inside and never see people for the rest of my life.

Today has been the first day in a long time where I’ve been able just enjoy it and realise I am enjoying it in the moment. I took the day off work, had a therapy session and I went to gym. It’s been lovely so far + I made my therapist laugh so I won therapy

My BF failed their exam that would have given them enough credit to not have to take a final semester. COVID and a lack of support for their mental health makes this their 6th year of college. Sadly, this means a few more months of long distance relationship, but at least he isn't at risk of being kicked out for being trans.

...For now. I'm fully prepared to make the drive and extract him from a bad situation. We're feeling better than expected, though, since now the dread of the test looming over his head is gone.

Well, on Monday I was informed that I was not being moved to the next round of interviews for the “promotion” I had applied for. This is the third time I have put myself forward at this place - which practically has no paths for growth or career movement. I have been giving myself this week to grieve, then next week I start planning. I’m not desperate to leave, I still like my job, but I will be crafting my next steps. It will be a challenge, which for brevity’s sake I won’t expand on here, so that has me feeling a bit anxious, blue, and trapped, but this is the grieving week. It’s all part of the stew. On the positive side, my spouse is still my rock, and a friend surprised me with her level of support, and I feel closer to her. This is great because I have been wanting to be better friends.

it was my birfday last thursday

i did the lego great wave of kanagawa set

It's a real-feel of 105 F in Philly. I am so hot. Please, somebody summon some rain.

Pretty good! I just made an account here. I've been on Lemmy/Fedi/etc for a while but finally found my way to the hive.

Now I'm sipping coffee to get ready for the workday. Hope y'all have a good week.

I'm honestly losing my will to live. Not actively considering sucide, but in the "I wouldn't mind if that bus just swerved into me and this bullshit could finally end" phase. Physical and mental health's down the shitter, and I'm making the mental part worse by isolating myself from my friends and the outside world in general – partially because I'm just so tired due to health issues, and partially due to having picked up an old substance abuse problem that I tend to reach for every time I hit a rough spot, and which absolutely does not help. Haven't left my apartment in days now.

Everything feels so pointless. My immune system hates me, meaning my body has decided that everything starting from my eyes to my nervous system is the enemy, so now I'm slowly losing my eyesight and getting neuropathic pain from dying nerve fibers. After getting sick 3 or so years ago I've managed to cut almost all of my friends out of my life because I either honestly didn't have the energy to do stuff with them and keep in touch, or just spent my days sulking about how terrible I feel (and tbh there have been times I really did feel absolutely terrible, what with radiotherapy and surgery and all) instead of spending time with people who cared about me, so now nobody even asks me out to things anymore or gets in touch. Not that I had all that many friends in the first place, being a bit of a weirdo loner to start with, so it's no surprise that the few I had left evaporated when all I could talk about was how terrible I felt after getting an internal organ nuked or how I had to go to the emergency department again because of XYZ.

Slowly trying to come to terms and learn to live with chronic illness now that the acute stuff is over, but I've isolated myself so efficiently that it's hard to pick up my life from where I left it before I got sick. So right now the place I'm at is that I'm a bloated aging ruin of a person in a world that's rapidly going down the shitter, and I just feel so hopeless about, well, everything.

Bit up and down. Not as productive as I would have liked thanks to mental health, but also not terrible either. I'd give it a 6.5/10

I’m doing better than I was previously. Getting past some mental health hurdles, and I’m finally back to work. I start on a new team, with a new supervisor that won’t cruelly demean me in our 1 on 1s until I start crying 🙃 still struggling a bit and I messed up my back gardening over the weekend, so that doesn’t help.

It's early on in the week, but not bad at all. Finishing the moving process in my apartment and just working overnights out on the highway, which is pretty chill. Aside from that, cleaning, gaming, reading, the usual.

currently unemployed, with interviews coming up. Having a lot of fun and relaxing a lot, but funds are dwindling gradually.

First dinner date in 2 years for me. Gonna have a panic attack. Wish me luck!

Debbie downer here! If you're having a good day, I don't want to harsh it, so skip me! :)

Apparently my mood's been off enough this week that it's been effecting people around me negatively and now I have to get restarted on meditating to hopefully fix it. But at least I do have that one option, I definitely haven't always had a path to follow when it comes to mood/feeling stuff. It just feels precarious because it's like, if this doesn't work, what comes next?

Idk, maybe this is a feeble attempt at crowdsourcing what comes next, because if that doesn't work, idk what I'll do. Probably will just shrug and try to keep moving at the very worst, it's all one can do sometimes.

But it's not all terrible, my cat is healthy, I have a job, and I have friends, so there's that :)

Tldr; this is me venting that emotions are difficult little bastards

Not great. My aunt died, my visa plans are all up in the air, dysphoria is in full swing, and i cant stop having anxiety attacks. But what else is new?🙃

This week is starting out complicated. I have a ton to do for work and absolutely no motivation to do any of it, so I'm having to spend more willpower than I'm used to just to get started. I'm coming off of a bad weekend mood-wise and really feeling the "want to run away to a cave and live there forever" vibes, which is also taking effort to move past.

One thing that's cheering me up is planning out the details of some house changes for August/September, which hopefully will end up going well. Visualizing the end result is giving me something positive to look forward to.

Just got through a major pain of a week...moving around places nearby due to work going on in the house plus stupidly busy period at work means I will do basically nothing this weekend and it will be glorious!

Been doing alright.

Feel burnt out and tired. Worst part is that when I have to sleep, I'm never tired so I end up sleeping about 5 hours. I sometimes take edibles to fall asleep, but it became a bad habit and a couple weeks ago I ran out and I was feeling some sort of dread so I stopped taking them. It has definitely affected the amount of time I sleep, but at least I don't feel groggy in the morning anymore.

I'm planning a trip with my girlfriend for our one year anniversary. We are probably going to a small cabin at a nearby lake. I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. Whiskey, good food, and my girlfriend sounds really nice, but for now we work.

I'm bad at self care but I went to the optometrist last week and... my eyeglass prescription doubled. Did you know road signs have words on them? Huh!

Pretty bad, been feeling depressed for a while now and it feels like this week has been a new lowest low maybe. I made some progress in my mental health this week, along with just trying to enjoy spending time with my SO and not be so down all the time. There are some positives.

All in all, pretty good. I finished with intensive out patient last week, so I start regular out patient today (3 months sober!). It's my second week of my new job and so far everyone is pretty chill. My pixelfed account is trending right now (I'm not completely sure what that means/does, but either way it's cool that people are enjoying my hobby) I'm @Swanton if any of you want to check it out. It's only Tuesday, but so far so good

Apparently my lungs are especially healthy for someone my age/demographic.

Not that great.

Starting a new (internal) role tomorrow which got me a £4k payrise and is going to set me on a path to chartered accountancy, which is great when just three months ago my employer announced plans to lay off my whole department and outsource hundreds of jobs to India. After escaping redundancy and purchase ledger (I have been working in PL jobs for the past three years and desperately wanted an out), I should be feeling jubilant.

If anything I feel the opposite.

My sadness/frustration comes from the fact that my love life has all but flatlined. I grow sick of trying to use Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, Hinge and pretty much any other dating app to exist and getting zero matches from legitimate people. I grow sick of being given false platitudes about how I'll find someone eventually, when I just know that I'm going to go through my thirties still a virgin.

Part of me seriously worries about success, that I'll soon each the point where I could command a high five figure, possibly a six figure salary, then suddenly have women flock to me not out of admiration but out of wanting my money.

It's been pretty awful, sadly. As Neil Gaiman says, "Events are cowards. They come in packs." It's been one blow after another all week, and I don't think I can handle any more bad news.

Mentally not having a great week but not hugely sure why. Not sleeping well which doesn't help. Hoping that seeing Barbie later will help

Some ups and downs,

Back in Toronto to be with my gf (I call Seattle home atm) so woo! Also she adopted a new kitten who is just the cutest and loves laying on me because I run warm 🥺

But also my gf just got shafted by a weeks long interviewing process for a position she was really excited about. She's been trying to leave her toxic workplace but looks like she'll be stuck with it for a bit longer :( it's been difficult on her mental health and I'm being supportive where I can. Work stress plus ADHD means we spend a lot of time in bed in the evenings.

My works been really exciting lately but I've been mostly keeping it to myself because it feels a little rude to bring it up.

Been another week of pointless stressful bullshit at work for me, which eats into my real life outside of work more than I'd like. That being said, making some progress on finding a therapist (a surprisingly difficult process it seems) and also a driving instructor -- almost made it to 30 without learning to drive, but the time is now!

Also starting the process of ditching music streaming in favour of Bandcamp, which has been fun. Been feeling some real nostalgia for the old days of buying tracks off iTunes!

Pretty mixed, feel weirdly restless all the time since I dropped my medication at the end of the week before last week. Got a new vape which is keeping me company at least, a nice E-Elev8R ball vape. Kind of terrifying dealing with the red hot glowing metal heating as it gets up to temperature though.