Someone trying to appease an asshole probably
this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2024
53 points (93.4% liked)
Ask Lemmy
27268 readers
2528 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Assholes never apologize. they live in their own reality and nothing will shake them out of it. A normal person learns from their mistakes. When wrong they apologize. So we are all assholes but not permanent assholes like far too many out there today
I find they sometimes apologize, but either for the wrong reasons or just completly insincerely
canadian?
That's what I was going to say!
Liable
The thing in quotes isn't true in the first place. It implies that bullying unpopular people isn't a thing.
Ok, but what if I think about 40-60% are assholes, 30% are dumbasses, 90% of people come off ass dumbasses because they don't think things through, 80% of people are disgusting, 30% of people have a good heart, 10% of people are too trusting, 60% of people have depression, 85% of women have prior experiences being on the recieving end of unwanted sexual advances by force, 80% of guys follow sports because they have no other way to communicate with other guys, 7% of people are color blind, and 100% of people think I'm the greatest human being who's ever existed?
There can be more than one asshole. I will also note that apologising makes them LESS of an asshole, so...
I mean, does that necessarily have to be taken as true in the first place? Both parts maybe, but I mean the first thing. Are numbers not, in the end, demographic? Talk to most people who work in retail, became a child actor, reported a billionaire shooter, etc. and tell me what you think.
If someone apologizes, and they do it properly, and everyone else doesn't do their part properly, I mean I'd have a hard time sympathizing with the crowd. Not that I don't already. I've been in this exact situation very often. I think maybe once my apology was accepted, and this one time is often scorned by people who think they know better than the apology receiver and invalidate his acceptance of it, implying I unforgivably offended the world. Should the unyielding people not always be checked first to see if they're the asshole?
If you're not an asshole, then you're not human.
The irony of this statement is that you may take any (human) disagreement with it as proof of it.
Yet lots of (human) people have the natural demeanour and default mindset to not be one. They're like unicorns, sure, but they exist.
Obviously a short statement like this one will not be a complete representation of the situation.
Often, especially people that compulsively try to not be assholes are very much assholes, since they expect to be ultra nice and be treated ultra nice in return, even if their niceness is situationally not appreciated and the niceness they expect in return for their own niceness is unreasonable.
Then they are an asshole with you? I mean, sometimes everyone is an asshole. Sometimes assholes apologize & remain assholes. So many answers to this question.
I'm still the asshole for cutting ties, but then I'm the asshole because I'm being bullied by my entire family. And if I'm bullied by everyone then I deserve it.
FWIW I don't think any of these statements are necessarily true.
Almost every friend group I was in had at least one friend bully me in private. One would only be hurtful online and on the phone and would "end the friendship" over nothing. But if he's sorry then I'm forced to forgive him. No one believes he said he was never speaking to me again because they never saw it, it was on the phone.
Another was a stalker who deliberately copied everything I did and tried to rape me whenever she was alone with me in the bathroom, but I was the problem because I was the only person who had an issue with her. She was so pleasant and happy with everyone else but with me she was always angry and would do things she assumed I did, like watch anime and brag about how much anime she watched when I never watched anime and was a nintendo fan, something you'd know if you actually spoke to me. She also wore the same shirt and jeans every day without washing them as they were the closest thing she had to my clothes, and I didn't wear anything Cool, just a plain blue shirt and navy blue jeans.
Then another tried raping me every day for months, would give up and dry hump or grope instead. I only made my clothes hard to undo since no one saw it so I must be lying. I eventually reported it, he got suspended, and everyone in the group ignored me ever since.
And on top of that I was alienated and bullied by family for existing.
If everywhere smells like shit check under your shoe. If you don't have friends then the common denominator is you. If everyone's an asshole then you're the asshole, etc. Obviously if I go through this a lot I'm the problem.
My “picker” was broken for many years, so I have a bunch of crazy exes. The common denominator among them was me, but that doesn’t mean I was a bad person, just that I didn’t know what to look for when dating (plus I’m autistic and a bad judge of character). I did eventually have to work on that before I could start dating and trusting people again.
Just because you’re the common denominator doesn’t mean that you’re an asshole. Predators often seek out traumatized people, but you’ll have to work on making yourself a bad target for them if you want to avoid them. I’m sorry, it’s not fair.
Phrase works everywhere except America
Label creation is nothing better than generalization to avoid critical thinking. While helpful at an elementary level for a basic understanding of the world, is generally harmful to humans being better humans.
Historically used as a weapon of manipulation by fascists (immigrants are x, Jews are y, etc), it's also come into common use among "liberals" in the US who started dropping to the level of conservatives post-great recession or around the time the whole population had smartphones and their news from Facebook. It's why the US has arrived at such toxic levels of "discourse" in society, false dichotomies, and echo chambers.