Ask Lemmy

So, do what you need to do for your family. But I'll say this. I spent time looking into this last go round because I knew Biden was a temporary reprieve. I'm the parent of a trans kid, we did not leave the country for several reasons.

The entire western world is experiencing this dramatic rise in fascism. There's no guarantee that you will actually avoid this long term.

Many countries (especially the UK) have draconian immigration rules, see above note about fascism.

We ultimately decided to move to a blue state, from a red one, primarily for safety reasons, and made it happen over a couple years. We are far happier in this situation and are now able to help extract other loved ones from similar situations.

Again, do what you need to do for yours and your family's safety, but you're in for a tough go of it regardless of what you choose.

ETA: I went as far as interviewing for some jobs in Canada after building my immigration profile and starting the job search in NZ.

if you're planning to leave because trump got elected, then be warned. the UK has similar problems

I have not, but I've done some immigration and have general advice:

Immigration is expensive and very time consuming to get the required documents.

• Figure out how you're going to get residence, what visa you'll be on, what visa your kids will be on
• See if you have to enroll in school ahead of time
• Test the job market by applying, interviewing, and getting offers beforehand. Even if you decline them, you don't want to be surprised
• Make a spreadsheet of needed documentation for each person. Forgetting one thing can screw you up badly on the day you need it
• Do everything above, twice, to make sure you didn't screw up the first time

Imo immigration is an amazing way to live the only life you have, but make sure you put in the work to make it work. I've seen lots of immigrants give up and go back to their home country before putting in the effort to fully realize their dreams, and it's low-key sad

Damn. If it wasn't you I was gonna dunk a bit.

Like. "Get ready, because they teach kids. Also, they hold back the ones who don't pass. So they won't leave them behind so much as Keep them behind."

And, you know, I'd leave some grammar bits in there too.

I just wanna say I hope you can get clear and bring the family to safety. I worry it's harder with any pre-existing conditions - it's brutal to get into Canada with even diabetes - but I hope you can make it.

Good luck.

We moved to NZ temporarily with 8 and 5 year ollds and they had to make new friends, be away from family and only see people from back home via video calls. Luckily the school and community are nice and welcoming so they rolled with it really well.

The visa application was long and expensive (application fees, specific medicals for immigration, etc.) so that part can get immensely frustrating.

What really helped is having similar aged neighbors for the kids to play with where we can hang out with a few beers as well.

I got no helpful advice, but wishing you and your family all the best.

Take a holiday there as a family for several weeks. Get out of London and see some places. See how your family enjoy their time there. It’ll give you all some perspective.

I wish you and your family the best. It's a scary time. Love from Canada.

I can’t offer any comparison between the Us and the UK, but I have some experience of having a neurodivergent child in the UK. We live in the NE of England, an area which is on average pretty deprived by UK standards*, however the support from the primary and secondary state schools we have used has been exceptional, with additional staffing as required and sensitive adaptions to needs throughout. There was some bullying at one point in primary school, but that was dealt with promptly and effectively and strategies were put in place to avoid social isolation - things it would never have occurred to me to do. The support for LGBTQ kids in secondary has also been pleasantly surprising - to the point that those who try to pick on trans kids find themselves becoming persona non grata pretty quickly.

There are some pretty huge cultural differences between the UK and the US, as you will know, and I suspect adjusting to those are going to be the primary problem in the move, rather than the support for a neurodivergent or SEN child.

*I feel like I should stand up for my adopted North-East; whilst it’s true that there are deprived areas, the NE is a beautiful place, the people are friendly and welcoming and the cost of living is low compared to many areas. The accents are proper canny too!

Neurodivergent kids can get an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP). We’ve found this great with the right state school - break time provisions, 1:1 sessions, mental health help, extra time in exams etc.

I would say get a report from an educational psychologist (even though they say you don’t need to below) or arm yourself with evidence, most likely, like all benefits in the UK, you may have trouble with the first application, but get help from a charity or professional with wording and apply again, every time helps.

Happy to have you!

https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/applying-for-ehcp-without-educational-psychologist-report

Some relevant words on the UK from an energy economist here.

No advice yet as I'm in the same exact boat. We're about to get ours evaluated for ADHD privately while unconvinced it's the best option... Ours is young enough that he doesn't really have memories of the US and started school here, but still comes off as blatantly American. It's been a comedy of errors learning how the school system works (putting him and my wife through school the last 3 years, somehow).

But hey, hit me up if you're ever out near Kent, I figure I owe you a pint or three for all the work you do to keep things fresh on Lemmy.

Is your kid neurotypical? If so it's going to be much easier for you to move almost anywhere in the UK.

If not, and/or if you can afford it, look into smaller private schools with lots of extra curricular activities going on. With the smaller class sizes, education and potential for assimilating with peers will be drastically improved for your kid, and you will have a much easier time meeting other parents and forming a community too.

Otherwise state schools with lots of arts and sciences funding are probably your best bet, so look into that, find a good one and try to move to their catchment area.

Also if you or your kid have any mental/health issues, get health insurance. NHS waiting lists are very long and the quality of service is often poor, especially for people in vulnerable situations and for visibly queer/trans/neurodiverse female presenting/bodied folk. Honestly, just get health insurance anyway if you can afford it, it should be cheaper here than in the US at least.

Disclaimer: I'm neither a parent nor an American in the UK, but I am from here and went to a lot of schools as a kid (moved a lot) and I am queer.