Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
Why did you remove the text? That’s not useful for us.
People appreciate accommodations but people also appreciate honesty and individualism which is more valuable to their every day issues.
You say all the things you're doing to accommodate him, but you don't say anything about why you're doing those things. Then you say he's devaluing you and calling you "too sensitive"...why are you even still talking to this guy? What benefit does he add to your life? What you say you're doing is reminiscent of how someone acts in an abusive relationship
I'd recommend being your authentic self 24/7 around him. If he can't handle that, that's on him and is not for you to fix
OP is enabling this stuff by play-acting for his friend’s comfort
Get the hell out of there, the guy is a walking red flag. 🚩
I have a friendship with someone which is often like what you've described and I get similar results with him. I sometimes find that by being more formal and not 'indulging' him so much for a while, it resets things. Not totally sure why but it could be that he needs boundaries as a frame of reference to emotional stability and reality.
My honest opinion : there's no red flag, don't listen to the otger dinwit.
Stop devaluating yourself. Be proud of your accomplishments, no matter hoe small. Stop complaining. Start valuating yourself and others. Stop pointing out your foaws, value your qualities.
Nobody has fun with someone who constantly tries to play the victim and the whiNy baby. Be proud, be fierce.
This depends so much on the source of the insecurity. However, we have to adress one thing first - you shouldn't have to feel bad being around a friend. If doing these things bothers you, then don't, for your sake and theirs. Feeling bad around your friend will (as you yourself said) end your friendship over time. There has to be space for two in a relation.
For me at least, honesty is key in a real friendship. It is the most basic aspect of respect, and if something is bothering you, say so. No need to be accusatory (i.e you do this or that) and instead frame it from your own perspective, dropping it in natural conversation ("It really makes my day when....", "It really bothers me when..."). Someone who values you will pick up on these things.
You're stupid? You're trying too hard. Just be straightforward with this guys, and if he doesn't reciprocate, treat him just the same he does to you or cut him off
You're stupid?
I guess you could say that I tend to have more difficulty understanding and navigating social environments than most people. However, I can't change my capacity, only make steps to learn and improve. Still, I don't think calling someone stupid is helpful.
I had no idea sorry
From now on I'll reserve the stupid keyword to normies