this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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[–] art101@lemmy.world 318 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Not sure I'm fully onboard with this to be honest.

I mean, we're all adults living in a civilised society and you missed an apostrophe, it should have been "you're a cunt", not youre.

We all know better for next time ;-)

[–] killa44@lemmy.world 20 points 2 years ago
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[–] LA71@lemmy.one 197 points 2 years ago (5 children)

I’m actually proud of this and might frame it for my office 🀣

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 95 points 2 years ago

I'd be thrilled to know I personally offended a CEO

[–] OctopusKurwa@lemm.ee 69 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You should. I printed out a screenshot when I got blocked by Rudy Giuliani on Twitter lol

[–] kwerks@lemm.ee 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That's absolutely hilarious lol

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[–] ArgonautVehicle@lemmy.world 145 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (20 children)

On a fine Monday morning, Steve Huffman, known colloquially as Spez, awoke from his gold-threaded sheets in his penthouse, sipping on his ethically questionable yet preposterously expensive civet coffee. He looked out his windows, the horizon offering the perfect view of his kingdom, his creation, his Reddit.

Having decided to raise the cost of API use to levels that would make a NASA engineer's jaw drop, Spez had embarked on a mission to squelch third-party apps, steering users towards the official (albeit buggy) Reddit app. He chuckled to himself, confident that his plot was as foolproof as an uncrackable safe.

Little did he know, the storm was brewing.

As he logged on, dressed in his favorite power suit, he noticed the eerie silence. Subreddits, once buzzing hives of memes, jokes, and shower thoughts, were now as barren as the surface of Mars. The once-mighty r/AskReddit, now reduced to a ghost town, echoed with digital tumbleweeds.

Confused, he navigated to r/pics. The screen loaded and his eyes were met with an endless scroll of buttholes, every variety, shape, and color imaginable. His newly nanobot-manicured eyebrows knitted together in bewilderment.

β€œMust be a new meme trend,” he said, shrugging it off.

He then moved to r/science, a bastion of intellect and reason, only to find NSFW content occupying every single thread. The Higgs boson was being discussed in a manner Einstein could never have predicted.

β€œWhat in the name of...?” He blinked, checking whether he was still on Reddit and not some obscure corner of the dark web.

He decided to investigate, opening his mailbox. "Surely my loyal subjects will inform me what's going on," he mused.

And inform they did. His inbox was flooded with messages, each more colorful than the last. "Spez, you're a legend!" one began, before ending with a plot twist, "...at being a daft cunt."

"Has everyone lost their minds?" he wondered, failing to connect the dots.

He banished anyone who dared cross him, banning his way through his subjects like a monarch with an itchy trigger finger.

As the day wore on, Spez grew restless. His grand plan was not unfolding as expected. But, in his characteristic arrogance, he was certain that the chaos would soon subside and he would ascend as the one true app lord.

In his plush office, surrounded by screens showing falling Reddit stocks, he clutched a crystal ball he bought from a New Age store, whispering, β€œSoon, my Reddit will be worth billions…” The crystal ball, deciding it had enough, promptly rolled off his desk and shattered on the Italian marble floor.

In the end, a day that began with grand ambitions ended with a lonely billionaire, surrounded by pictures of buttholes, an inbox full of profanity, a shattered crystal ball, and a kingdom in chaos.

Unbeknownst to him, the Reddit community reveled in their rebellion. They might not have won the war yet, but oh, how they celebrated the battles. As the moon replaced the sun, one phrase echoed throughout the kingdom of Reddit, repeated in posts and comments, whispered in DMs, etched into the heart of the rebellion,

"Fuck Spez."

[–] Rull_9@lemmy.world 26 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I need this entire comment printed out and framed. Its composure is truly artistic!

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[–] BeardyGrumps@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Let’s sing all together:

Well Spez is a cunt, he's a big fat cunt He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world He’s a stupid cunt, if there ever was a cunt He's a cunt to all the boys and girls

On Monday, he's a cunt On Tuesday, he's a cunt On Wednesday though Saturday, he's a cunt Then on Sunday, just to be different He's a super King Kamehameha Cunt

Have you ever met Reddits Spez He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world (La-la-la-la-la-la-la) He's a mean ol' cunt and he has wangy eyes He's a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt

Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt He's a stupid cunt! (Woah!) Reddits Spez is a cunt And he's such a dirty cunt! (Cunt!)

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[–] muaveri@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago

Any ongoing crowdfunding for your upcoming book? Give me a link please? You got me interested. Anything published already?

[–] monko@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 years ago

"an endless scroll of buttholes"

art

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[–] manitcor@lemmy.intai.tech 91 points 2 years ago (1 children)

please tell me you did this AFTER systematically devaluing your years of submitted content?

[–] LA71@lemmy.one 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] manitcor@lemmy.intai.tech 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] hemmes@vlemmy.net 11 points 2 years ago

Lol fuck I love Lemmy πŸ’•

[–] Poglathegrate@lemmy.world 51 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Claim you're Australian, and live in NSW.

Show that it is your constitutional right to call any leader a cunt

https://nswcourts.com.au/articles/court-rules-its-ok-to-refer-to-tony-abbott-as-a-ct/

Sue Reddit

[–] Col3814444@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

To be fair, Tony Abbott is actually a total cunt, so the case result was always going to be.

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[–] Bushwhack@lemmy.world 47 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I tagged him in messages for a few days calling him a cunt but never got banned. I guess DM was the thing to make it be effective?

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[–] PatFussy@lemm.ee 36 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Like 3 days ago I got a site wide ban for posting a picture of the comments spez altered on TheDonald like 4 years ago. Reddit has gone downhill ever since Pao got the CEO title and has only gotten worse under spez.

[–] elint@programming.dev 26 points 2 years ago (3 children)

It was going downhill before thar. Pao was a scapegoat. spez and kn0thing fired Victoria Taylor before Pao even took over.

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[–] Gingerlegs@lemmy.world 31 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Must be a fun place to work πŸ™„

Sucks because it used to be an awesome job I bet

[–] InverseParallax@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

No, they talked about it, it was brutal, they were overworked for a good while, then when the money came in they went dumb corporate.

There was a while where they said the stress felt like it was worth it then everything fell apart, this was around when pao was in charge and the ama lady got fired.

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[–] 15liam20@lemmy.world 28 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Should definitely be banned for not using an apostrophe.

[–] ModernRisk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 2 years ago

Surprises me that you get banned for it but whenever someone else call another person that - they get away with either a warning or nothing happens. Lol.

[–] Kerrangutan@lemmy.one 26 points 1 year ago

called /u/Spez a cunt

This is inaccurate, /u/Spez lacks warmth and depth and has never given anyone pleasure.

[–] RestingBitchFace@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago (5 children)

I edited all my comments to Fuck u/spez and deleted them and then deleted my account. They ruined a decent thing.

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[–] Finnbot@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Glad to see my permanent ban for reporting one fucking Fox News post on politics for blatant climate change denialism is on level with this. For using the report function to bully/harrass ffs. Laughable!

Place was becoming a shitehole months before these API changes anyway.

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[–] PolarBone@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago

Fuck /u/spez

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

They banned me a few days ago and didn't even have the courtesy to tell me why. I asked and got no response.

[–] Casmael@geddit.social 18 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Well tbf spez is a cunt. A big, silly, greedy cunty cunt.

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[–] xaxl@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I got a couple of bans from automod because some precious mods get offended by you overwriting your comments with Power Delete Suite. Some of the comments were like 5 years old or older that were overwritten and got me banned.

[–] digdilem@feddit.uk 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I got a bunch of automod messages too when I did it. If you edit a message, automod reviews it just as if it was a first post. If the edit breaks the sub's rules (as it will if you used a generic message for all your posts as I did) then it'll get blocked. Don't think that's being precious, just how automod tools work.

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[–] 2dollarsim@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

That part about bullying was pretty ironic huh.

[–] Ryan213@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago

Totally worth it!

[–] Batpool23@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

I reported him for help, he might be get suicidal when reddit bombs. Don't want him to take the easy way out now.

[–] henfredemars@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago

It's part of the migration plan to help users move away from the platform.

[–] Shotgun_Alice@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Just sign up as a reddit refugee, I approve. Also since I have no fucks left I've been using my alt account to troll r/conservative. Happy to be here, the thing with replacing mods and forcing communities to reopen was just so fucked up.

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[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Billionaires are the worst kind of people. I can’t wait for the revolution to come for them. It’s going to be a good time.

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[–] samokosik@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago

Jesus christ

[–] PocoGoneLoco@lemmy.fmhy.ml 10 points 2 years ago

Chad move tbh

[–] adinfinitum@lemmy.film 10 points 2 years ago

Much like on twitter, you can insult us common folk (and landed gentry), but insult a celebrity or rich person, and that's a ban.

[–] NASAFan555@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 years ago

You did the right thing. You told the truth.

[–] shoobie@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Oh no u/Spez got harassed. Who would've thought?

[–] sucksatusernames@discuss.tchncs.de 9 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I like to think in the alternate universe where Aaron Swartz doesn't commit suicide, he eventually ends up making a competitor that doesn't fall victim to the failures some of these companies have

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