Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or maybe Cyclops or Magneto if we're allowed fictional characters. I think it would be funny
this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2024
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If we're going fictional characters, then Havelock Vetinari from the Discworld novels.
Hell yes. All Vetinari would have to do is raise an eyebrow.
Trump would kill himself in a week. Vetinari wouldn't even have to do anything except talk to his dog during the debate. Vetinari would even put through a request to the Assassins guild to make sure the price to beat was too high to have him assassinated. Just to make a point.
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By the standards of the American people, the candidate should be one of those blow up car dealership streamer guys and a Bluetooth speaker playing audio of hero monologues from 80's "step dad bait" action movies.
The presidency is not one person, it's an entire administration and general philosophy. We're fed a lie that these debates always matter, they matter when candidates are unknown and then have a forum to stand out as leaders and educate voters about a vision for the country. That's NOT the case here, the candidates are wholly known entities and these fucking debates absolutely do not matter.
The people in this country, in their immediate reaction to this debate, demonstrate that they just fundamentally lack the focus, empathv and frankly basic intelligence to process the substance of this or any debate. On average, we respond solely to voice pitch, tonality, body language and facial expressions, like a still developing toddler... Or a dog.
On average, we respond solely to voice pitch, tonality, body language and facial expressions
I mean, to be fair this is a human thing that is well known. It's been known since Nixon looked like hell next to young JFK, the first ever televised debate. Nixon boned it because he was sweaty and looked like shit.
It's been an issue of the television era ever since we began to focus on images instead of words. It's also an issue with public speeches.
I mean for fucks sake, JFK went to Berlin and gave a speech where he said "Ich bin ein Berliner" while a Berliner is a fucking donut and despite that confusion Germans went fucking wild cheering for him.
"What did he say? I am a donut? Whatever, he's awesome woooooooooooooo!"
Acting like it's just American citizens is fucking dumb. It's humans. It's an issue with video media, period.
I think the doughnut thing is actually just some folks wanting a laugh and trying to be witty. The phrase made sense as it was intended and was taken as such (a person from Berlin), and the fact that there is coincidentally also a doughnut given that name is unlikely to have registered in anyone's mind while present at the speech and if it did it probably wouldn't have merited much more than a smirk since it's not a mistake to have said that, it's just a funny coincidence.
I'm sure there's probably more than one pizzeria somewhere with a pizza on the menu called "New Yorker" and if someone said in a speech "I'm a New Yorker" no one's going to pissing themselves laughing at the person for being such a baffoon to have accidentally called themselves a pizza.
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Bring Orson Welles back from the dead
Jesse "the Body" Ventura. Let's go full Senior Citizens Wrestling League with this.
Phoenix Wright seems like a good fit. A superb lawyer that went to countless court and win, debate is part of his job and Trump would be continually shut off.
Elon Musk! It's time for him to take over USA. Like he did with Twitter. Let that sink in!
Whatever happened to Whiplash? You know, that spider monkey that would dress up as a cowboy and ride around on a border collie at rodeos and in a few Taco John's commercials. Put him in there. The border collie can be his running mate... (get it? get it?)
It's Vermin Supreme's moment
Frank fucking Zappa.... were he not dead. Even dead he's a better choice.