Bi people are all around you we mostly just pass as strait and are encouraged to remain invisible by identifying as straight or as gay by the straight and gay friend groups we know.
this post was submitted on 12 Jun 2024
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fellow invisible bi person checking in! π«‘
This me. Bi guy and it took me like several decades to realize that. Was convinced all my life bi was not real
Coming out is not a single, grand event. It's a decision we have to make repeatedly, sometimes even daily.
Do I have the energy to correct the dude I bought a guitar cable from who assumed I have a wife? I was tired and cranky that day so I didn't correct him, now I have to deal with feeling weird or even a tad guilty for not standing up for myself or my partner even on such a tiny level.
Yes, media portrays coming out as something you do once and then you're out! Really, it's something you do over and over again with every person or group you come out to. Some people are easier to come out to than others. Whether we do it and how we do it depends a lot on the specific circumstances.
Edit: I once heard this terminology reversed and it really resonated with me. That is, it's not about who you are out to but who you let in. It's a privilege to be on the inside, not an obligation for you to be out.
It's getting better, but I really don't appreciate how many people seem to think that "drag queen" and "being a transgender person" is interchangeable and exactly the same.
For clarity for anyone who isn't sure, drag queens are performers who often (but not always) identify as gay men in their day to day lives. A drag queen is a caricature of a woman, a massive exaggeration for entertainment purposes. Drag queens are like clowns, and clowns don't go around in their day to day life identifying as a clown. It's a job, a gig, a temporary identity for entertainment purposes.
Transgender people have gender dysphoria that is so unbearable that they have no choice but to bear all of the negative things that come with coming out as transgender in order for them to have some tiny speck of hope at being happy and comfortable in their own bodies. Transgender people, unlike drag queens, always do identify with their chosen gender representation.
I'm really glad you said this. There's a large amount of the general population who think trans and drag are the same, even people who are allies. I respect those who do drag and I can understand why they do it, but as someone who is trying to present as myself authentically instead of performatively it's almost detrimental to the cause when those who are outside looking in automatically equate the two.
When I came out to my family as trans, my dad's first thought was I was going to be "parading myself around like a drag queen" (his words). He voiced his concern about it, because he had no understanding that they are not the same thing. Typically when I come out to people as trans one of the first things they talk about is how I must love Ru Paul's and assume that I watch it. I've never watched a full episode in my life, and truthfully it's kind of difficult for me to watch it knowing mentally that's how people would perceive me if I come out to them.
And while I acknowledge that there can be overlap in the community it's not who I am, nor is it how I want to be perceived. I don't have the luxury of "taking off" who I am, nor am I trying to be a caricature of a woman. I'm just trying to be myself and I wish more people understood that.
I have such a mess of opinions about Drag Race. I'm glad that it brought the idea of drag to the mainstream so that people understand that drag performers aren't the kind of monsters that right wingers make them out to be. But in a lot of ways, I feel like it's done more harm than good to the trans community. With the constant conflation between trans and drag, and also the fact that Ru Paul is a fucking asshole who's not at all supportive of the trans community, it's hard to see it in a positive light.
I also just hate reality competition shows, especially in a scene that should be so much more supportive and uplifting and cooperative, rather than competitive.
that a part of the reason why queer people seem to be a recent invention is that Nazis burned the archives of an institute containing literature on The Gay
And for many (mostly) gay men the AIDS epidemic was devastating. You don't see a lot of old gay men for that reason.
And especially that research about transgender was among the first books to be burnt.
This book actually does dive into some of the older years of queer history, the 20s-60s iirc. Mostly centers on the 1950s, but it's actually a very interesting book. Some of the landmarks are still around! None have placards indicating their importance to gay history IRL, which is a bit bittersweet when you look at all the other placards of other historic moments in history at the same location.
https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/L/bo193960577.html
You can also buy it online, this is just a free PDF.
I think the amount of transphobes in the world would be waaay smaller if everyone knew what gender dysphoria is
And people don't even realize that cis people have it too! My BiL was recently talking about taking Cialis and Testosterone. I have a niece that just got breast implants and other cosmetic procedures. People going through menopause take hormones. Cis children with precocious puberty take puberty blockers so they don't have to go through that at 8 or 9 years old. And cis people don't have the self-reflection to realize that these are all gender-affirming care.
I was about to add "and how science backs it up as a real thing and not something people make up", but given the timeline we live in, I don't think it would make that much of a change :/
Ace people are queer too :)
And really, some of us have 0 interest in sex please stop asking us. Believe it or not, romance isn't sexual in and of itself, so it's not impossible for us to crave romance and have no desire for sex.
And, many of us are this way without ever having experienced trauma. It's necessary to ask someone about trauma in a relationship, but don't assume it's the reason for the lack of sexual interest. (In many cases it is a or the reason, but that doesn't take away from the fact that a person doesn't want to engage in sex)
I think it's also important for people to understand the mental effects of dating an ace person as someone who isn't ace. I got caught up in that and it took a long while for me to stop thinking I was undesirable and gross.
Some of the pictures people see of the big book burning fests that happened in Germany in the 1930s weren't generalized events. One of them was the Nazis specifically destroying the works of Magnus Hirschfeld, who ran the Institute for Sexual Research, that studied sexuality and gender issues and provided the earliest instances of gender affirming care. They sacked the institute, destroyed it, and burned all of the material there.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnus_Hirschfeld
This is to say: trans people have always been here. And nearly a century later, the destruction of this institute has been widely forgotten.
That there are divisions and prejudice within the community. It's better for everyone involved to put on a united front, but unfortunately people get put down and marginalized even in supposedly queer-friendly spaces all the time. In my own circles, it happens a lot with bisexual men and non-binary/gender non-conforming persons in particular.
Bi man in a hetero relationship, I feel βpushed outβ of the community a lot of the time
I've gotten worse treatment in the lesbian community than any other. Demanding tolerance from others doesn't immediately mean that those people demanding tolerance are tolerant themselves.
This is such a small thing which I have so few occasions to use, but I wish the term "QUILTBAG" had become more popularized when it was coined in 2006 (caps are for accuracy, not shouting). It's just more fun to say, and I'm a sucker for a good acronym
That is an amazing acronym and I wish to see it everywhere!
Be the change you want to see in the world! 
It's SO much easier and quicker to say than L-G-B-T-Q-I-A+. When in company that I know its ok with it, I just say "queer community", but I know not everyone has accepted the reclamation of that word. Which I get. I'm totally good with queer, but hearing the f-slur sets off my fight-or-flight responses
I usually ask how folks prefer to hear the community referenced to avoid those fight or flight responses. Het with some flex, if they get to know me that well, doesn't mean I'm part of the community as they define it - some people have wider or narrower definitions and qualifiers than others and I'm fine with that - but either way, my comfort doesn't mean others share that feeling and it's on me to be conscientious and kind.
Also dating from that time, pronouncing LGBT as Legbutt. I love it because having a leg on your butt is extremely normal actually.
I'm late but I really wish more people knew what a "queer platonic partner" relationship was.
I usually just use "partner" for my QPP because it's easier than to even briefly explain, but just because I'm asexual aromantic doesn't mean I don't want a relationship that "stands out" more than the others. and just because I do, doesn't mean every ace/aro person does! there's so much nuance to the LGBTQ+ community and I think people forget that a lot and choose to isolate to their spot in the acronym.
a QPP isn't someone you're dating, and I'm really tired of people talking about my "girlfriend" (because let's also ignore that they're non-binary!) alternative relationships exist to the typical "path" and assumptions plus choosing to not learn is really damaging. and that goes for every LGBTQ+ topic. or, hell, the nuance to every individual person.
I just want to drop a link to queer platonic relationships specifically, too.