this post was submitted on 16 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] forty2@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Gemini - your FBI agent goes to therapy because of you

Hahahahaha

[–] metaStatic@kbin.social 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

My therapist asked my hororscope and I said This isn't going to work if we're both mentally ill.

[–] forty2@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

All roads lead to Pieces these days, might as well embrace it 😂

[–] amotio@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Finally something usefull. Sorry not sorry my FBI agent.

[–] EvilEyedPanda@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

Sorry not sorry to who's ever car I set on fire this month (Meghen) it's literally because "Megan" isn't spelled with a fucking H

[–] godot@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special, deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you.

But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

[–] Pothetato@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

I think I was born in like...9 out of 12 months.

[–] salvaria@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Love that Pisces isn't mean because the author knows how sensitive they are

[–] H1jAcK@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago

I'm not that fucking sensitive, fuck you.

[–] breathless_RACEHORSE@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

As an Aquarius limp ramen noodle, I can relate to this horoscope. Trick is, I HAVE gotten used to being alone, and enjoy it. Now I'm going to go and weep quietly in the corner.

[–] frickineh@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Apparently I'm also an aquarius, even if I was born in June. Who knew!

[–] jopepa@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Horo/scopes are such bullshit anyone could relate to all of these. Just broad strokes with charged language to make people feel known by the universe.

[–] Seraph@kbin.social 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You didn't read it, did you?

I'd rather relate to none of these, but apparently I also need to apologize to my FBI agent.

[–] jopepa@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I hate to use the /s but I guess it’s necessary

[–] Seraph@kbin.social 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I can absolutely imagine someone on this site having that opinion hence my confusion.

[–] EveryMuffinIsNowEncrypted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Text does not convey tone or subtext in general well at all. Thus, never assume that sarcasm will be obvious to absolutely everybody. So, just to be safe, it's best to just always use /s if you're being sarcastic, at least when speaking amongst the general public.

[–] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I've never believed in horoscopes until just now, when I read the Scorpio section.

[–] LaggySnake@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

as an aquarius this is very relatable

[–] magnetosphere@kbin.social 5 points 10 months ago

Funny enough to begin with, but what makes it even better is that mine is actually somewhat accurate.

[–] bibliotectress@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

I'm a Virgo and now I feel depressed. :(

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago

As a Libra, I feel called out

[–] 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works 2 points 10 months ago

Meeh, mine's not that bad 🤷 😂.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Virgo is spot on