this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
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[–] Cyberflunk@lemmy.world 21 points 9 months ago (2 children)

50 years old, had a single best friend for nearly 38 years. My only continuous friend throughout my life.

I got together with a girl from our mutual past, and found out he groomed and molested her for years.

Confronted him about it and he turned into a completely different person. Absolutely destroyed our decades-long friendship.

I have a few friends, but no one I could call with a real problem.

[–] yoz@aussie.zone 9 points 9 months ago

Wtf! Thats sad af. Human beings are the worst

That sucks. I had a good, long time friend (M) who married another friend of mine (F). Their marriage was short lived. When I found out he had been abusing her, I cut ties with him. Haven't talked to him since and don't plan to. I hope he gets his life together but to me he's just a shit bag who beat his wife. I refuse to be friends with people who treat others like that.

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Pretty much just my wife. I have some great friends from high school, but we only get together every other year or so.

[–] yoz@aussie.zone 5 points 9 months ago

Yea same..for me I moved to Australia for work and now we only chat over signal. I miss the good ol' days. hate being a grown up :'(

[–] CIA_Chatbot@normalcity.life 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Haven’t seen the movie, but I have a best friend. We dated for a short period, but ended up becoming best friends a month later. The real irony, we ended up discovering we have a ton in common and we’re even dating people that are almost identical.

It’s strange, unless this situation is more common place than I was aware?

[–] yoz@aussie.zone 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Thats pretty cool. Hope you're friendship last forever. Even after you find a partner, get married and have kids.

[–] CIA_Chatbot@normalcity.life 2 points 9 months ago

Thanks, here’s hoping the same! ☺️

[–] neomachino@lemmy.world 7 points 9 months ago

I don't even have any regular friends and wouldn't even begin to know how to make one.

I used to have a lot of friends, then I got clean.

I'm just not good at talking in that perspective. I can talk about specific topics but seem to lack the ability for small talk that making friends seems to require. In the past 6 years I thought I made a friend once, we worked together for a while and would talk a couple times a day, I was a little more advanced in my career so I would often help her with projects/teach her stuff, I even opened up a bit and let out my weird thoughts occasionally. It was good, then one day she just stopped responding.

I'm very content with having my wife and son as my best friends, but an actual friend would be nice.

[–] Jackcooper@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Yes. Since I was 8. He moved states at one point which sucked. He's been there for 8 years and is just now trying to move back north after a bad relationship. Actually that relationship despite her liking me he just kept cutting out everyone. He even started cutting me out. Then when it unraveled I was the one he called and helped him through it. Even then I hedged my bets and played neutral, just repeating back what he said and never giving advice

Anyways it's been over 20 years of supporting each other. One toxic relationship ruined it for a bit but he's someone I will always forgive and support.

[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

No idea about that movie, but I’d say I have a handful of close friends. As cliche as it sounds, my spouse is my best friend

[–] Fondots@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I'm 32, I've never really been one to rank my friends but there's a few I'd consider to be frontrunners

I have a guy I've been friends with since pre school, we sometimes forget to talk or hang out for months or occasionally years at a time, but always end up picking up right where we left off.

There's a handful of friends who I can always hit up to do something and if they're free they're always up for an adventure or to lend me a hand with whatever I'm working on.

There's of course my wife, which feels like a lame cop-out of an answer because of course my wife is my best friend

And there's my dog, which is even more of a kop-out.

An interesting thing that's happened this year is that probably about a half dozen people, both people I'd consider to be in the running for best friend, and ones who I wouldn't necessarily rank that high (not that I don't like them or think highly of them, just never quite thought of them that way) have told me how much they value my friendship, which I guess means I must be doing something right.

[–] yoz@aussie.zone 3 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Do you have any kids ? I heard kids keep you busy so you'll never feel you need friends. I want kids but got some issues with my sperm. Doc. said its motility and dont know how to fix it. Life sucks man!,

[–] natecox@programming.dev 3 points 9 months ago

Kids are indeed a huge time/emotion/frustration sink that eat much of your life, and yet somehow still totally worth it.

But, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I don’t feel like I need friends. Children are very emotionally rewarding in a certain spectrum, but adult companionship is still a general need.

[–] Fondots@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

No kids here, never been my thing.

The thing with kids keeping you busy is that oftentimes friendships will tend to decay if you aren't able to keep up with them, and if you put too much time into your kids you may end up as an empty nester 20 or so years down the line having raised your kids to adulthood successfully, only to discover you don't have any friends left.

That kind of happened to my dad, I genuinely can't name anyone that I'd really call his friend. Luckily he's a bit of an introvert and my mom is sociable enough for the both of them, so I don't think he's exactly suffering for it, but it's weird to think of kind of having to start from scratch at 50+ years old going out and trying to make some friends.

For my part I do my damnedest to keep my friends with kids in the loop, but it gets hard sometimes, and to make it work I've had to drag along far more rugrats on hiking and fishing trips than I ever really cared to.

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

You can have some of mine, how would you like it?

[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I technically do, but it is much more like having a best acquaintance who is not interested in keeping in touch or having meaningful conversations but assumes we are friends forever because we were actual friends at some point.

It is a bummer.

And thanks for the movie rec, looks fun, I'll check it out

[–] yoz@aussie.zone 2 points 9 months ago

Yea...Its a fun dumb movie. Reminded me of the time when I was young. I had 2 beat friends but now I am not even in touch with them.

[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] yoz@aussie.zone 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Thats okay bro. Even I dont have any, guess that's how life is when you grow up

[–] MonsiuerPatEBrown@reddthat.com 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

they all got married, and my peer group's partners and kids are their best friends.

i got a pet.

[–] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I have a few close friends, most of whom I don’t see as often as I’d like.

Edit: I’m 45.

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

Haven't seen my best friend forever but we keep it alive messaging

[–] DirigibleProtein@aussie.zone 4 points 9 months ago

Haven’t seen the movie. (never even heard of it).

Male, 55, don’t have any friends any more after divorce, COVID lockdowns, and isolation due to cancer treatment destroying my immune system.

To be honest, it doesn’t really bother me much. I can do what I want, when I want, without having to deal with other people’s schedules and emotional blackmail.

I’m alone, I’m not lonely

[–] SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

Yeah but like... We talk maybe once a month or every other month or sometimes once every six months. Always got each other's back in a bind.

[–] jimerson@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

Unfortunately, no. Not anyone I feel comfortable confiding in completely, anyway.

[–] theherk@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

I have some friends, and some people that are really important to me. My brother and wife truly are my best friends, but aside from them, I had two other homies that were my best best buds. One from military days, and one since the sixth grade.

One drank himself to death and the other shot himself. But old trees just grow stronger. I’m just glad to still be here, you know.

But I miss those motherfuckers all the time. Actually thanks for making me think about it.

[–] art@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

First off, loved that movie.

Secondly, I'm 44 and I have a tight group of friends that I absolutely love. A few weeks ago we had a great camping trip together and we just had an awesome Thanksgiving party last night.

I'm incredibly lucky. Not everyone has it this good.

[–] iamericandre@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

31, never heard of the movie but I have 2 close friends. One lives about 2 hours away and the other works like 60 hour weeks so I barely get to see him anymore. I try and get up with them as much as possible but it’s tough. We still maintain the friendship though, which is the important part

[–] justabaldguy@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Kind of. I'm 45, and met my best friend years ago here in Houston. He divorced his wife and moved home to Scotland, where I've been fortunate to visit him twice. He's the ideal friend, though being across the ocean makes it incredibly hard to really maintain. We keep in contact, but that's all. So now I'm either with my three teen daughters or alone with the dog. EDIT: Separated from my wife.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 9 months ago

Not really, no. I used to, but it fell apart in late 2021 and I’m not sure exactly how.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I have a best friend. He lives in another state and we don't talk as much as we used to, but whenever he actually comes online we usually chat or even play games together.

But he's literally the only person I know in my life other than my father that would do everything in his power to help me if I needed it, and I would do the same for him.

[–] ji88aja88a@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

I saw the movie last night with my kids and they didn't enjoy. I didn't particularly like it either.

I'm 43, and I don't have friends. I have a girlfriend, and I have a "best friend" who's not really in my life, but I can call at anytime and have a chat. I've known her for coming on nearly 30years. But day in day out friends, I don't have them. I find it really hard to make friends. I overthink a lot and think a lot of people actually don't care what I'm talking about. I find it difficult to believe people are genuine. I try so hard to look past that, but seemingly, most friendships end up being like work relationships.

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

I am 35, live alone, have never been in a relationship, I have two friends that I actively maintain a friendship with.

One is my best friend, though I have no idea if I am their best friend.

I had a few more, but they all drifted away during four and a half year of working 12h alternating day/night 12h shifts.

[–] yoz@aussie.zone 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Bro the more you grow up, the less you'll have friends so dont stress , its just life.

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 2 points 9 months ago

I am not stressed, depressed, yes, but stressed? Not really.

[–] Chozo@kbin.social 1 points 9 months ago

One is my best friend, though I have no idea if I am their best friend.

That's an awful feeling, and one that I'm quite familiar with. I'm pretty sure I'm not my best friend's best friend, and that sucks to think about. It can definitely make the relationship feel one-sided, and that's painful to consider. Try not to put too much stock into quantifying your friendships, as it's very easy for that thought to spiral out of control.

[–] Bebo@literature.cafe 1 points 9 months ago

I (38) have 2 close friends now for over 18 years. One of them lives in a different country and the other in a different city.

[–] lps2@lemmy.ml 1 points 9 months ago

Not familiar with the movie either but I have two friends that I talk to almost everyday besides my SO. We have a group chat (along with one friend's wife) where we talk shit and catch up each day.

[–] Monkeyhog@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

Thankfully no. I used to have a best friend, and honestly it was exhausting and I much prefer my own company to anyone else's.

[–] RoryButlerMusic@lemm.ee 1 points 9 months ago

Not seen the movie.

Best friends is up and down. Had one definitive best friend who died around 5 years back and I've got a few clusters of friends, such as school pals, people I've been in bands with.

Though in the past year a bunch of work pals and old bandmates have come together and formed a new band just to have fun with, cos we're all getting on a bit and need a hobby I suppose. It's been really nice seeing them very often, bringing people from one element of my life into the fray with those from another.

I don't think I've felt more friendship than right now in a long time because of this!