Ask Lemmy

Stay intellectually humble. It's a huge component of wisdom in my observation. Understand you can always make mistakes that can be corrected, and that you have arrived at your opinions through limited information that can always be supplemented, so stay open to both of these possibilities.

You can be confident in your opinions that you arrived upon through spending a lot of effort thinking about them, and you don't need to have self doubt when challenged on them baselessly. But when someone does point out an error or something you missed, it's essential you haven't become closed to accepting it.

Always remember what the basis are for your opinions and how well-founded they really are. For example: how much do you actually know about a thing when you're relying on something you read in the news? How much do they really know about that thing?

As a check on yourself believing you've put a lot of effort into thinking about something, be on the guard for unwarranted confidence. If a professional has put their efforts into something in their field of expertise they've spent their whole lives working on, chances are you haven't thought of something they haven't in the first five minutes of hearing about their work. That might seem ridiculous, but you see this all the time on Lemmy, where for example commenters seem to think they've figured out key errors in scientific papers after reading a single popular science article about an experiment or figured out solutions to incredibly complex problems like fair taxation.

Why would you want to get rid of self doubt? Questioning ones reasons or whether they're wrong is vital.

There's a line in Nicholas Roeg's movie Insignificance that has stayed with me for decades now.

There's an obvious Einstein expy just called "The Professor." At one point, he's asked why he's so cautious about his claims - why he habitually says things like, "I think that..." or "The theory is that..." or "One might argue that..."

His response is, "If I say 'I know,' I stop thinking."

That, IMO, points to the primary answer to your question - don't try to remove self-doubt. Nourish it. Revel in it. Because it's the thing that will keep you thinking, and the more you think, the more likely you are to get to actual truth.

It's always good to have self doubt, it leaves you open to changing your mind. Do what you think you should, but those who realise they are fallible will more easily change their view of things when proven why they should.

I don't. There is no absolutely "right" answers, we just need to accept the bad choices and move on. Like anyone else, you will choose the wrong choice eventually, and that's is fine, just learn from it.

I don't think you should ever fully remove self doubt. It's useful so you don't end up a megalomaniac.

But generally speaking, you do the best you can. I look at the situation, weigh the variables, and make a decision based on the best information I have at the time. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

It's sort of like playing poker. Sometimes you have AA and you lose to someone with 72. Doesn't necessarily mean you misplayed the hand - sometimes you do your best and still lose. Just lick your bruises and keep moving forward.

Also, I think being able to admit to your mistakes when you are wrong will help a ton.

I always know I can never be 100% sure of anything. That removes some of the pressure of needing to be right, and ironically some of the uncertainty too. Other than that, well, just gather as much information as possible and go for it... Then don't look back

Imo, you don't. You must remain humble and open-minded.

It's important to look at the reactions you get. If what you're saying provokes discomfort or hostility, that's the time to reëxamine what you just said.

And further, when someone disagrees, try to politely ask why. Most people are willing to explain where you fucked up a long as you don't get defensive.

You don't

Find a friend who you can trust to be honest with you to second guess yourself with—preferably someone with a lot of emotional intelligence and self-awareness.

I double check. If I think that I'm right about something, I take a moment to consider "have I actually double checked this to make sure it's true? If not could I potentially humiliate myself by saying something verifiably false, or could I potentially spread misinformation? If I haven't checked, then I take the time to look into it first before trying to talk about it or make any claims about it. I try not to go based entirely off assumptions or gut feelings. If it turns out I was wrong, then I've learned something and avoided a mistake, if it turns out I'm right, then at least now I know for sure that I really am right. It also helps to get into the habit of actually thinking about what I'm going to say, whether it's actually right or not or just feels right without anything to back it up, and to be open to being wrong. I try to see the possibility of being wrong as a potential learning experience, which makes it less scary, and also makes it easier to not cling to the desire to be right all the time.

Great question OP. I don't have anything as rigid as a process for completely subtracting the bad parts of self-doubt, but I suppose if we had that all ready, this wouldn't be a great question, would it? Heh

Self-assurance comes from being a lifelong learner I think. Even then, being 100% sure of yourself all of the time isn't optimal for your self-assurance's consistency in the future. You tend to doubt yourself when you think you're missing knowledge, right? So why not learn to fill the gap where you can?

Post your answer/talk to people, doing your best to be authentic yet as "correct" as possible, and allow the raging comments to fill the gap for you. You can only give your best today but you might be better tomorrow. I think as long as you approach a topic with the intent to learn or to help someone learn, you'll find that self-doubt is the first step in the process (heyoooo) in self-belief.

Look at you, asking a question like this. Go learn something, you piece of stale white bread! I scoff at your sense of discovery! (/s if it's not obvious)

I think in this context it's important to be specific about the type of self-doubt you're experiencing. Are you unsure about something specific you're stating? A decision you're making? A belief you have? A pattern of behavior you exhibit? Yourself/your life in general (literally, "unsure of yourself")? These are all separate things imo and warrant different levels of healthy doubt. Like, be open to being wrong about a fact, and be mindful of your behavior / willing to change it if it's hurting others, but no need to spend energy constantly doubting who you are or how you're living your life. Whenever I experience self-doubt, I try to first ask myself which of these categories it belongs to, and based on that I decide how I want to respond to it.

I hope this makes sense, it got rambly lol

Simply keep saying "Fuck it we ball" untill you can ball no more

OP: I'm struggling with mental unwellness how do I deal with this?

Every reply: You know you should feel even more unsure of yourself, you're literally wrong about everything and you're also probably really dumb.

Therapy and anti-depressants

I doubt literally everything and don't trust my own judgment. I'll thank my ex's affair for part of that.

By not being sure of myself on anything except subjects about which I have done a great deal of research and reading and/or have considerable personal experience and knowledge. This means that I am not "sure of myself" very much, and when I am, I feel justified in doing so

I hope that someone else in the room will challenge me.

You really don't maybe you shouldn't. I just try to compare new things to things I have done in the past and evaluate how much effort more it will take. At work for example: every change is 2 days. You want the little light to be green instead of red? 2 days. You want to change the programming language? Still two days. On average it works out. You just keep stacking successes behind you gradually taking on bigger and bigger tasks. Each one is only slightly harder than what you have already done.

When the self-doubt is overwhelming, a gambler's desperate bet is made, to go all in hoping for a miracle.

When forced by circumstances, whether as a hero or a villain, one becomes the protagonist of an epic that foretells the rise or fall of an entire world.

When everything else fits perfectly into place, being right is the only truth worth considering.

I'm perfect, it's impossible for me to be wrong. ;) I can get additional facts and have a need to change my point of view, which is called learning.

At least at my house I got told loads of times that nature gave me a brain, so I should use it. So I'm always right... with the knowledge I have at that time. I'm never proven wrong, just that I lack knowledge. ;) (And from time to time I learn loads)