This is a really tough situation and you have my sympathy. You should look into caregiver support programs such as CAPABLE. There are several such programs which aim to connect caregivers with community resources such as adult day care programs, and to teach them new skills to better cope with the behavioral changes that happen with dementia. Is she Medicaid-eligible? Sometimes there are state waiver programs that can leverage Medicaid (in addition to Medicare) to pay for these programs. I think Maryland has such a waiver but I'm not 100% sure. Let me know if you have questions.
this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2023
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I forgot to mention - CAPABLE is just one example and IIRC it's more focused on the person with dementia than on caregiver support, so I believe it's more applicable for people with mild impairment. If your MIL is more than mildly impaired, I would look for programs geared toward a caregiver-patient dyad. These are specifically designed to improve caregivers' ability to effectively manage the disease and therefore alleviate some of the burden of caregiving (reducing stress and depression).
I believe 211 works everywhere in the US. Call them (if not call your county's health and human services). They have access to all the health and human services for your county, and can direct you to all the people that can help you. IMO it's much better than blindly calling around to different departments/services yourself. The ones here in San Diego are really helpful, and can tell you about things you don't even know are possible.
There are programs out there (varies by state and county) which will allow you to be paid as a caregiver for your mom. That should alleviate some of the strain of caring. There are also services out there for in house caregiving assistance, which is lower cost than a care home.
County health agency should also be able to provide information on how to get your mom on disability, which opens up a wide range of program options.
Best to contact your county health agency for more information. They will have the scoop on your best local options.
Contact your county health & human services agency. Medicaid might be able to help, I don't think Medicare will.
Start the process for getting Medicaid, as that takes time. Medicare may cover bits, but most will come from Medicaid. State specific programs may exist. I recommend calling her primary doctor and see if they can help you with get home health or getting her into a nursing home depending on everyone’s preference. They also might have contacts for social workers that can help you navigate getting assistance in paying for it.
I know here in Canada there are social workers you can reach out to find resources, that may be an option for you. Find a local office and explain the situation to them, there might be programs you can take advantage of.
US hospitals always have a social worker. Reach out to them, they can help you find your options.
I would talk to a lawyer. Not because it’s a legal matter, but because lawyers tend to be very resourceful and tend to know lots of options and their various pros and cons.
I know it’s a weird hunch but it could be worth a shot.
Speak to her doctor. Start the process of getting Medicaid ASAP. If it gets bad enough that she needs to be in a care home, Medicaid can pay for it. Ask the doctor about medication Aricept. It can help certain types of dementia, I have seen it be a miracle.
Do not let any doctor/nurse/facility give her any benzodiazepines such as lorazepam, klonopin, diazepam. They often do this to "help them rest" without realizing these work opposite for elderly patients. It can make them restless, irritated, and sometimes violent.
Depends on your country
Not sure if this vid will help you, but it's real life experience of carrying for someone who has the disease.
Apparently other people have said it's accurate and helps. I've no connection other than following the creator for his excellent technical content.