[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

I have this, and to be honest, it's exhausting to maintain.

I think that's why you see social media push back about it being a myth.

The idea of "normal" that we pretend is true started after WW2. The US was highly unionized, highly industrialized, and most other countries were either former colonies that had been gutted economically, or were European powers that were decimated by the war.

We stepped into the manufacturing void, and suddenly one income was adequate to provide for a family. That's not the case anymore. If your family happens to have resources now, you can maintain the semblance of that lifestyle, but you will probably need two incomes and will always be at risk of losing it.

We absolutely must, as a society, change our conception of "normal" and stop penalizing people for trying something new. Going back to some old ways may have benefit as well.

For example, multigenerational housing would solve a huge number of my problems. I want a kid, but I don't want to pay a second mortgage for daycare. I can keep myself clothed and fed, but cleaning the house suffers. If you have more people under one roof, then you have opportunities for economies of scale that just don't work when we all live in our own cloistered enclosures. There's more resilience in that sort of system, and we need to be engaging with ideas like this to land gracefully as the world continues to fall apart.

This is not a question that anyone wants me to answer right now, when my wife (34) has just been transitioned to hospice with terminal cancer. We've been married for 3 years and she was diagnosed 4 months after we were married.

I wish the best for all of you.

25, no friends, never had a romantic relationship, barely ever go outside the door, living with my parents, still drudging through the last year of uni and still dealing with the aftereffects 1 year of lockdown had on my brain. But hey, at least i have lots of free time to stare at the ceiling.

That "ideal" life has changed and is no longer the norm. Trying to live up to some bullshit idea that we think society says we should live in a trap.

Don't compare yourself or life to others or expect anybody's approval. Everyone has their own journey and idea of happiness. Figure out what yours is and live it.

We're supposed to have a plan‽

Mines taken a bit longer than planned but got married and bought a house with my wife. Then split up, got divorced, let her keep the house because it was near her family and nowhere near mine. Started again from scratch at 31rented for a few years and saved up on my own (covid lockdowns really helped me save). Bought a little home of my own at the end of 2021, quite small but big enough for me and it's less than a 10 minute walk to woodland, my new low stress (but low paid) job, a gorgeous park, shops, gyms and the train station. It took a while and it wasn't easy but this is the happiest I've ever been.

Yeah... mid 30s, stable healthy friendships, been with my long term partner for ten years, we have a nice house and two dogs, my career is going great, we're comfortable.

A house that's paid for, wife, two kids, dog, zero consumer debt, very stable job, but I'm pretty much the most miserable person you'll ever meet. It goes to show that you can have everything but still not be happy.

47 here.. I suppose im at the tail end of the people who still had a chance. We have a house that is half paid off but that needs a new roof, windows, and flooring that we cannot afford to take care of due to inflation screwing everything up. We have 2 cars but they are both 30+ years old and keeping them on the road is taking up most of what free time I have. When we got the mortgage it felt like we had finally 'made it' and that future pay increades would allow us to remodel and modernize our 'fixer upper' but the intervening 15 years has been an escalating shitshow that has us barely able to maintain what we have in its current state. It is starting to look tempting to liquidate the house and extraneous posessions and buy an old RV and become modern day nomads for our remaining years. The only thing really preventing this is that our 2 adult children are living with us still because there are no jobs that pay enough for them to move out on their own and we are not going to just dump them on the curb and say 'figure it out' like my parents did to me...

Yes and no. The original plan was to just get by and "serve my time" essentially. Then I met my now-wife and decided I should aim a little higher for her sake.

At no point did I ever have a "plan", and I've been through many highs and lows (mostly lows, with respect to finances and mental health), and several completely different careers, but I've finally stumbled on something that pays well enough to fix the financial side of things.

The only advice I've got is to take it one day at a time, and try to make today just a little bit better than yesterday. Compound interest applies to life, the longer you make these tiny adjustments, the more they add up over the years.

I'm living with my cat in a rental apartment and that is absolutely according to plan.

I had zero plan beyond "live on my own, away from my parents, and try to sustain that." The churches I went to as a kid emphasized getting married as soon as you're old enough and having a ton of kids, so I did the opposite and was a feral stoner nerd/wook for a decade and a half. One day I was doing a hungover stumble from my apartment back to my car and saw a guy my own age playing with his small daughter at the playground. She'd fallen off the swing and he was hugging her until she stopped crying. I still can't fully describe the feeling I had there, but I shrugged it off immediately as "that ship sailed. I'll just dedicate myself to hobbies and non-serious relationships."

Now I'm married, have a kid, and live in a house. Life's weird.

I'm 33 and I'm getting there. I have a house, a lovely wife, two kids, one car (don't need a second).

The career is finally coming along since 2 years ago. Which is something I'm particularly happy with. I was on the verge of depression because of my shitty job. I worked very hard to change careers and I'm very proud of that. The livable wage is livable, but that's about it. The future looks financially birght though.

I have to say that I am very lucky with my parents. I've never had to hit absolute rock bottom, because my family was always there for me.

As for the house and the family, it is not something I consider "the life". The house is shared with my parents and was build by my great gandfather. It's a fantastic house, all things considered, but it's also a birth privilige, so I can't say It's something to brag about. Before I moved back here, I had bougt a small one family home in a small border town with the wife and kids and before that a small appartment with only the wife. The family is just the way I like it. It is also not something I care to brag about or even share about. It just my family and I love them and that is enough.

So basically I'm all about the new and rising career change these days. I also don't care much for how others live or what they think about my life. I just try to live my life the way I (and mine) like it best.

A house, two cars, a healthy relationship ,a career, livable wage, 2.5 kids, a dog. ya know, the expectation many children were told in school.

I'm not sure I was ever told there was "a plan" for that, being born in 1969... and graduating high school in the late 1980's. By the time I was 8 years old, the radio was already playing: "somehow we missed out on the pot of gold"... "free to face a life that's ahead of me"... something beyond what you describe... "we will search for tomorrow on every shore"....

My personal plans in life have been consistently wrecked by the waves of power-seeking by governments, businessmen, and technology power shifts. I feel like the age of Mass Dehumanization has been underway with climate change denial, medical science denial, pretty much the fears outlined by !sagan@lemm.ee in 1995...

Im just happy that I wake up another day without health problems.

I'm not dead or in jail, so I'm doing alright. When I think about it, a lot of the things we were fed as kids was never the whole story, nor was it all true.

I generally don't use social media (outside of lemmy) because most of it is about trying to sell parts of your life to people that usually lacks context. It's great for sharing ideas and information though.

Absolutely not.

Sort of in a backwards kinda way. Made a plan 2 years ago to start something and it almost coming to completion.

But damn if I know if going work out or not.

Doing pretty good.

No cars because I don't need it, still saving for a flat (also, met my gf a year ago so we still have some time). Kids in a few years probably, I don't like dogs.

Yes, I always wanted to not work and enjoy my hobbies.
I started around middle school, and first thought is to get rich. But after a research I realized this takes a lot of time and after many years I might have all free time I want. So I chosen the easier path, where I will have consistently little work with above average money and a lot of free time.

More or less. I have a good career (albeit one I’d like to escape if ever possible), a wife and a good marriage, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cars, and a modest house.

We’re doing alright for ourselves.

This made me ask more questions.

If there was a plan, who made the plans for us?

If it's a myth, why is it being being taught?

Yes.

40 - together with my wife since we were 18. Both finished university with 25/26, got married at 28. 3 kids (boys) 11/7/3. Bought 2 flats (Europe) and merged them to one huge one. I'll own one in about 8/9 years and the other one will take longer.

No dog tho.

The things I appreciate the most about my life, are the ones that took me off plan and by surprise. The unscripted unexpected shit, that’s my real happiness.

For myself, emphatically not. Took me to 32 to finally finish my degrees, in that time my parents became ill and needed me around to help get them over the finish line for retirement. This caused me to take a job making obscenely less than I deserved for my education and capability, but it was remote and adjacent to the industry I wanted. Fast forward a few years and I am finally in a relationship worth having, finally getting my parents settled into retirement, and my partner and I find out that she has an autoimmune disease that will take her away far too soon. Still being undervalued by the same company (though they aren't profitable enough to pay me more, but have taken care of me in emergencies). Looking for new work now, but the stress of the last 7+ years of my life has damaged my heart and given me anxiety issues, so I am struggling to even be able to apply. And most recently my partner and I got pregnant, so the money situation is even more immediately relevant, not to mention the fear we both have that she won't make it to the kid's graduation. That is all just after college... before is even more of a trainwreck. The best laid plans and all that jazz.

No plan, but I'm happy and have more in superannuation than some, so I can't complain.

There was a plan? Someone could have told me about that 40 years ago!

Seriously though, yeah, I guess. Not completely a traditional plan since I skipped the whole university and singles life part and instead went right to work, got married and had kids (which turned out great, kids all moved on to do their own stuff by the time I was 40, so now I have money and health at the same time, which would be pretty cool if I had some time).

TBH neither my partner nor I give a flying fuck about traditional anything, we just kinda do what sounds like fun and isn't too likely to fuck things up for future us. Not a whole lot of long-term planning going on over here.

Depends on whose plan you mean. My life certainly isn't perfect or awful, I'm content with what I've got, but things could be much MUCH better with a few changes that are unfortunately out of my hands.

• A house
  -- Just purchased, closing is closing in soon.
• two cars
  -- completely mandatory. We couldn't possibly bus, we have two used cars approaching two decades old and we're dreading the day they croak.
• a healthy relationship
  -- married in July
• a career
  -- For me, finally started the career I wanted two years ago, after a decade of trying to become a programmer I finally am. Wife might be in a career now, she's not quite sure. She's happier where she is than Target, but that's a low bar.
• livable wage
  -- livable with the ability to go on vacations (mostly anime and comic conventions)
• ~~2.5 kids~~
  -- don't want them at the moment.
• a dog
  -- ... two cats

I do NOT in any way feel like I've earned this. I have been saving to buy a house EVER SINCE I paid off my student loans. I dumped all my money for YEARS to get that debt off of my books and after I did, I immediately started saving. Didn't even change my living habits because they were habits at that point. I didn't even have a GF at the time. I just knew that I wanted to be ahead, because I knew that it was going to be a slog when I was finally ready to buy a home. Just like it was a slog to get into my career, just like it was a slog. I wanted to be AHEAD I wanted a good home. And after all that effort I got...

half a duplex for $305,000... Cheapest we could find if you don't count badrealestate suggestions on lemmy.

All that effort and I barely have a home. barely. We could've taken a larger loan but, shit happens. We could've been laid off, One of our cars could've needed to be replaced, We could've been disabled, We could've had our identity stolen, We could've been scammed, We could've been robbed, We could've come across a cop who didn't like our faces, We and have our credit killed.

All of these things DIDN'T happen to us, so we got to purchase a house. Because if any of those things happened to us, we would've dipped into savings and we wouldn't be purchasing a house in our 30s. All of those things that could've happened were completely out of our control. (except for Wells Fargo, you can choose to not be fucked by Wells Fargo by LEAVING Wells Fargo)

So... there is no plan, only a lottery.

Yeah but minus the kids. It makes a difference but it depends on how much that matters to you. For us, we figured we could do without and are happy where we are.

Idk, there never really was a plan tbh. When I was a kid I obviously wanted all that stuff because society describes it as the normal objective to aim for.

Some of the things I don't have because I don't want them. I'm aro/ace and not really looking for a partner or kids. I don't have a car because it's not worth the money to me, my bike and the train manage to bring me nearly everywhere.

I managed to finish university and I have a nice job. So really I have not much to complain about. After getting mono and COVID I did become perpetually tired, but luckily not enough to stop life from being fun.

I guess it's going to plan, just not the plan that society made up for me but rather the one I made up along the way.

Having kids and needing a car would be a nightmare to me, not a dream.