Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
I haven't been fully tested but my doctor agrees it is likely I have ADHD and this is all new to me, grain of salt.
I definitely do things without thinking. Drinking, snacking, vaping, reaching for phone just because my hands need to be busy. Mindless stuff.
As for what I think most neurotypical people consider habits I have maybe one that is somewhat automatic for me and that is I ALWAYS do my skincare and teeth before bed. But part of that is because that routine is really good sleep hygiene. Like it is still a decision, still a bit of a chore, but it would feel VERY wrong and off if I didn't do it.
Then um let's see I've been taking the same medication at the same time for over 15 years now and I still need an alarm on my phone and I have still forgotten to take it if I don't take it that very second. At least most of the time later in the day I suddenly remember...
Your doctor diagnosed you. No further testing needed IMHO, because you aren't being different for "cool points". Let the treatment begin.
Like looking in a goddamn mirror. Yeah, if I don't do it THAT VERY SECOND, the alarm was worthless. I bought these because I can't remember even an hour later if I took my pill or not. I also have to do it that very second or it's worthless.
Edit to add: the old person pill case is a better product than the switch thing I posted. I've used both and I'm going back to the pill case.
I got the "old person" pill case with a compartment for each day. That helps more than I expected.
Do you ever forget to refill it? Like what about if you take middle of day, and you're not home? That's why I haven't bought one yet (and tbh my alarm has been good, I almost always listen to it lol)
And I've seen some cute ones! Like look like citrus fruit slices
I take my meds at home but I also bought like four of them so when I have the executive function to fill them I do it and I’m sorted for four weeks!
I'm going back to the pill case. Thanks for reminding me they exist.
Aw thank you! Yup totally worthless if you don't obey the alarm lol. I have totally dumped and counted pills before