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How to get past this (lemmy.ml)

submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by Pherenike@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My father insists on a version of past events that is not true, where he supposedly helped me pay off debt when in reality I paid it off by working FOR YEARS. He doesn't say it as something he's proud of, but something I owe him and haven't "thanked" him for (?). He is extremely stubborn and old enough to definitely not remember things well.
He does this kind of thing with my siblings as well and it's come to the point where we feel that all we really were for our father was a money burden, be it true or not that he helped us financially at some point. How can I come to terms with the fact that he's not gonna acknowledge the truth no matter how many times I explain it to him, despite the anger and frustration I feel towards him for claiming something he actually DIDN'T do for his kid while minimizing my own work and effort?

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[–] adhocfungus@midwest.social 19 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Gotta lean hard in the other direction to flip the gaslighting onto him. If he says he paid for your college then start insisting you never went to college. If he says you owe him for keeping your car running during X-Y years then tell him you didn't even own a car.

More seriously, though, my mom was the same way. Hers was due to being extremely manipulative instead of memory issues. Either way you aren't going to get through. Better to start distancing yourself now until you've reached a level of contact that isn't detrimental to you. If that eventually means no contact then so be it; they bring it on themselves and you owe them nothing.

[–] Pherenike@lemmy.ml 3 points 4 days ago

Ha! I didn't think of that before, it's a great idea 😂 Sorry your mom was like that. Thanks for your comment.