Asklemmy

44267 readers

1271 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

How to get past this (lemmy.ml)

submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by Pherenike@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

52 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My father insists on a version of past events that is not true, where he supposedly helped me pay off debt when in reality I paid it off by working FOR YEARS. He doesn't say it as something he's proud of, but something I owe him and haven't "thanked" him for (?). He is extremely stubborn and old enough to definitely not remember things well.
He does this kind of thing with my siblings as well and it's come to the point where we feel that all we really were for our father was a money burden, be it true or not that he helped us financially at some point. How can I come to terms with the fact that he's not gonna acknowledge the truth no matter how many times I explain it to him, despite the anger and frustration I feel towards him for claiming something he actually DIDN'T do for his kid while minimizing my own work and effort?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 12 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

If you can, ignore it or dismiss it as "old man yells at clouds".

Either way, unfortunately, you have to find a way, somehow, to deal the issue so that it stops causing you problems. It's hard and it sucks.

IMHO as a parent, my kids owe me nothing and I owe them everything. I created them after all.

This is kind of rubbish advice, sorry.

You could ask him what he expects you to do about it. Force him to follow through on his line of reasoning to the conclusion. Does he want it paid back? Does he want to estrange his children?

That can work because, rather than ~~contacting~~ contradicting him you're facilitating him reasoning through his position. Hopefully for the best.

[–] Pherenike@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

It's not rubbish advice. I agree with you. To feel like your children owe you stuff is to not recognize your own responsibility by bringing them into this world. We've never been problematic kids, we have probably actually justified him too much - he grew up in poverty, couldn't study, had to work in the fields since he was six, didn't know better, had shitty parents etc etc. Until that bites you in the back! And it has obviously created this entitled behaviour in him. Thank you for your comment.

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 2 points 4 days ago

Best of luck, hope it all works out of the best!