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What are some dating mistakes you often see when people try seeking a partner? (kbin.melroy.org)

submitted 3 days ago by Nyxicas@kbin.melroy.org to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

81 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I have a few.

One is abbreviation hell. Nobody is going to spend the time trying to decipher what you mean when you use over several abbreviations. It is just better if you'd explain than expecting people to understand aside from commonly used abbreviations that are easy to understand.

Another is overstepping your limits for the sake of getting a partner. Compromising your own standards is perhaps one of the worst things you can do when it comes to trying to find dates. Like you're suddenly okay with dating single parents but you don't like children. You're suddenly okay with dating religious people but you're not religious. Things like that. Because it means you're desperate and you're setting yourself up and setting them up for a bad date.

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[–] randomcruft@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 3 days ago (15 children)

Assuming that a profile is enough to understand someone. Sure, don’t waste time/drag out meeting someone but… actually talk (video chat) and ask questions before you move things along.

Ask questions important to you and what you are looking for.

[–] Serinus@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago (14 children)

Video chat? Wtf. Have people ever heard of coffee? Very public, fairly short, no commitment. You can even say the no commitment part up front. Just meet, don't expect anything, and see how it goes.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (11 children)

I have a stupid question.

How do people "see how it goes" and ever have a positive experience? For me, even if the person is friendly and funny, I am so uncomfortable that I never want to do it again. Literally no one has ever felt any different for me. Even if I gain some level of pleasantness and satisfaction from the interaction, it is incredibly mild and doesn't ever make up for anything or make me wish to continue. I have tried seeing people repeatedly to no avail. The cost-benefit analysis never nets me out on top. I have always been a perpetual loner due in part to this. Does this mean I'm a psychopath or something? Because I cannot connect with and gain satisfaction from humans the way they seem to be able to with each other?

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This does not sound like a very common experience.

What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Is it all scenarios? Coffee date? Bar date?

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I don't know really. It's mostly anything outside of certain scenarios. I am comfortable at work and with my parents. Anything else I am always uncomfortable. My discomfort can range from mild to severe depending on the scenario.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 3 points 2 days ago

What is the discomfort? Are you afraid something will happen?

You should probably talk to a professional about this. I am not a professional, alas.

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