Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
A specific day? I'm not sure. But I helped put my family back together after an absolutely brutal year that went straight into the pandemic. I brought my divorced parents back together. Not together-together, but they're friends and we all hang out together. I care for my mom with my wife and sister's help; got her much healthier and off alcohol. I care for my dad and got him independent. I helped mend their relationship. I mended my relationship with my brother who I didn't speak to for years in lieu of this fallout and after battling it out with literally hundreds of thousands of words back and forth in letters.
I have one last puzzle to solve. In time, hopefully...
I've been so happy and grateful to spend time with my family largely as a whole again. To see my parents brighten up so much while playing with their grandkids is something I'll always have as a core memory. Takes me back to my own childhood, too.
When asked if I'm better off now than I was 4 years ago, I can't answer more instantly and definitely yes. I never want to go back to those terrible years, where covid was the least of my issues. Sure there is a lot of chaos in the world right now and this election is making me anxious, but I know my kids and family are much better off than what people are dealing with elsewhere in the world right now and I refuse to take that for granted.
So I guess I'm expressing a more slow burn of contentment.
What do you think was the cause of your success with that this time? There's unhealthy ways to do everything you mentioned so I wanted to get your take on what worked out for ya
It's hard to say. A combination of factors. Knowing them all really well, sincerely loving them and wishing to see the best of them all. Trying to act as a sort of translator for incessant miscommunications between them... As though people are operating on different frequencies. Addressing secondary factors that were contributing to stress or altered mental states... Also just a lot of time. These things can't be rushed and resolution probably couldn't have ever happened under a quicker timeline than 2-3 years with baby-steps and leaps of faith at the same time. It's very delicate and you're right there are unhealthy ways that force people back into things they were uncomfortable with. I made an effort to avoid that. I bore witness to my older sister going through this when my parents separated in earlier years and I learned a lot about how people argue and in different ways and what they're really after. Long discussions, 6-8 hours long for weeks on end. Standing up to my parents at different times. I probably stopped my dad's suicide or worse and I stopped my mom from her own downward spiral of depression.
Anyways, yeah those were hard times. Combine with my wife being pregnant with our first born and raising a newborn during this time, during covid, while we both work at hospitals — while my parents were living under our roof — was the extra cherry on top lol... I think we all came out better in the end, though.
Both my wife and I come from divorced parents and make a concerted effort to never do that kind of shit and to never let our children suffer from that. I'm very fortunate in that respect as well.