Chat

7498 readers

19 users here now

Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.

Subcommunities on Beehaw:

AskBeehaw

This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

alyaza@beehaw.org

remington@beehaw.org

Are there resources for learning social skills? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 month ago by Alice@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

30 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm 30 and horrible at keeping friends. I don't know if it's the unschooling or the autism, but I'm told I come across as hostile when I think I'm being nice.

I know the basics. I make eye contact but not too much, I ask people about themselves and their interests to show I'm interested, I don't dominate conversations with myself and my own interests. I try to be a nice person people might want to keep around, too— I give money when someone's in a pinch, I remember birthdays, I help move, et cetera.

Eventually people either people tell me I'm being a dick in ways I never realized, or more likely, they just eventually stop messaging me back.

The one thing I'm sure I struggle with is body language. I've read a lot that you need to mirror the other person's body language, but I don't know how to do that. Especially since I normally meet people at work and we're usually pushing big carts around and moving products and I'm just not thinking about my body as something expressive, just practical.

I'm sure I have many more blind spots that I'm not even aware of.

So like... are there classes for this? Some kind of specialized therapy? I don't really want to try anymore unless I can stop being a dick

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago

Idk about all the rest of it, but you might be able to learn to watch your tone. You know, modulate your voice better. Figure out what sounds aggressive and how to catch it, maybe apologize for it if appropriate, then consciously avoid it for a bit.

I think I've had a couple friends like you, and while there were a few things to tolerate with them (as I'm sure there were with me as well), the weirdly/slightly aggressive tone they had a bit too often made hanging out with them a little bit worse than it could've been.

Still happy to have spent the time I did with them. I'm still hanging out with one of them and he's still aggressively into some games, TFT now, but he's chilled out a bit it seems or I just notice it less. It comes back when he gets competitive or drunk.