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what would be the best way to tell your supervisor to stop inquiring about your personal life and mobbing you into opening up? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by sarah2653@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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my supervisor is an extrovert, whereas I'm an introvert. She feels insulted if I don't share my personal life with her and ridicules me before other coworkers because I separate private and work life and prefer to keep to myself.

I wrote mobbing because that's what it feels to me: a ritual of hers is to always eat together, a time she uses to ask me questions I don't want to answer. I usually answer very vaguely, which is not enough for her. If I eat alone, she'll complaint about why am I being so unfriendly.

She doesn't understand I need time alone to unwind.

She is convinced she is doing me a favor, but the opposite is true. It makes me dislike her even more.

I simply cannot win. It's tiring being blamed and shamed for preferring to read a book instead of talking about dogs or sex.

It makes me want to quit.

I don't know if I go to HR with an issue like this, because they may label me the odd one, the one who's not a teamplayer and use it against me.

Most people are extroverted and react angrily to somebody who keeps to himself and I've been bullied several times for this. Extroverts don't seem to understand that not showing interest in their sexual lives doesn't mean disrespect, but simply that I don't care about it.

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[–] teawrecks@sopuli.xyz 29 points 2 months ago

If you're ok with being up front with people, you could just say "hey, do you mind giving me some alone time while I eat? It's nothing personal, I just prefer to use this time to recharge by myself."

If you'd prefer to manufacture an excuse, you could tell her you're going to use your lunch hour to try a new mindfulness meditation technique you heard about, and need to avoid conversation during that time.

If you have the option to take your lunch somewhere else where she won't find or bother you, that's an option.

I think usually just keeping your nose in your book a few seconds too long before giving short answers to questions, then going right back to reading, is enough discomfort for a person like her that even if she didn't get the hint that you don't care to be bothered, she would at least prefer talking to someone else instead.