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“No one, and I mean this, truly I do, no one knows more about crypto than me. Ask anyone? My team of experts and I, and they’re smart people. They’ve got big brains, tremendous even, hyuuuuuuuuge. And they tested me right? Right? I took an IQ test and I got all five stars. That’s the greatest IQ of any sitting president in the history of America, and I didn’t even study. They asked me, “how come you’re so smart?” And I said, and I told this to them because by the way they’re the greatest brains we’ve ever assembled in our administration, the democrats wouldn’t know this because they’re terribly not smart and ignoramus— but I says, “it’s because I’ve been born into business and I led this country and created Billions and Billions of dollars. I can creat The Crypto!,” I told them. And they looked at me and said, “Sure whatever you say boss.” We have a tremendous administration, and part of, the EV batteries is because they’re heavy? We have heavy batteries, and really it comes down to immigration. Other countries are sending their criminals and derel— deruhlickies— you know what I mean. Gestures vaguely at head with accordion hands. And truthfully, we have to make this country great, because all the democrats and the radical left are being anti cryptic. Why? Is there a reason why they don’t promote cryptoast? Is it because they’re corrupt like all these immigrants that are causing crime and poisoning this country? Why is that? It seems like I’m the only one asking. And no one knows more about it than I do, and this is why we have to remember to take back this country and show up and show out on November Firth. Buy my Crypto, and apes hold strong and don’t sell until next year - trust me, I’m going to make out like a bandit— uh by winning the election!”
It's pretty good, but you need to add in a mention of his uncle who went to MIT and how that means he has very good genes and knows all about this stuff.
Ugh how could I forget, blast it!
“I have a really smart uncle who went to MIT. I consulted him and grew up with him, and he taught me many things that I carry today. And I’m the only one who can do this because no one knows more about this stuff than me. Skinny genes? You bet I’ve got them. I’ve got them locked up! Crypto? The immigrants are trying to eat our genes. But we’re looking into that you know. And some people asked me, “how come you got so smart, how come you know so much?” And I said, “I’ve got experts looking into this, could we bring MIT into the body? Almost like a smartening? Sounds interesting, it would be interesting for us to look into.” And after I said that they looked at me and said, “Mr. Trump, what the hell are you talking about?” And I smiled and pulled them into my handshake and laughed, saying, “pump my cryptic coin. It’s gonna be big, it’s gonna be better and stronger than Bitcoin. It’s gonna be the best that ever was, because I made MIT.”
You need to sneak in there that he scored a near perfect 100 on his IQ test
“You’re fake news. I got five stars. Can’t read can you? Such a shame, sad, tragic - really it is - that the radical left is not only unsmart, but they take the things that I say out of contest. Why do they do this? Because they’re eating all the people that scored less than 3 stars. And trust me, no one knows more about this stuff than I do. Camille? Worst VP ever in the history of this country, and George Biden? Why’d they force him out? Do you think it’s because of the number of stars he got on his test? Maybe they should go back to wearing a star on their shirt, you know, supposing we did that? Wouldn’t it be great? If you can see the number of stars on your shirt, and that would tell people how big brain you are? Sounds interesting. The Republican Party will look into this, I think.”
Too coherent.
“And you’re fake news. I’m the only one that’s coherent. I cohear to all the things the radical left is trying to take away from us. Guns? Immigrants? They’re all - and listen, this is why we must the border. Well keep the immigrants out, because they’re letting the asylums and the kennels pour in, and it’s dangerous and reckless what they do to us. It’s sad, really it is. Almost tragic. Such a shame, what Kowala is doing to the American people. And she cohered the Biden agenda right? I fixed this country and our immigration problem. I concepted plans with Putin - great man, by the way, a strong man. And that’s what the America’s needs is a strong man. Are you paying attention? Look what they did to us, all these world leaders are laughing at us - laughing because we cohered how weak we are. We need strong leaders, leaders that will close down the borders and stop with the EVs, which are heavy by the way, and for to radical left, it doesn’t make me feel good. Why? Why not, I say. And no one’s talking about it but me. I’ve been told by my uncle, who works for MIT in their training camps, that I have big smarts. Almost coherent, really. And that’s the truth. But Biden- I mean Harold? She doesn’t know the first thing about running a country. She used to be a country, did you know that? There’s so many things they don’t tell you. And that’s for me, only because national secrets and why we’ll make this country prosper because we’re gonna be in World War 3, because these other countries with the nukes, they’re laughing at us. I’ve been to Russia. I’ve been to that one country that’s on the news, and I know Kim Jong Bill, he and I are great friends. I’ve made deals with the Taliban. And I talked to Abdul - who’s the one doing the murders by the way - and I warned him and said “don’t you do that. Don’t you do anymore of the killing or you’re gonna have problems.” And he says, “Mr. Trump, why do you send me a picture of my house?” And I said, “that’s for you to figure out Abdul.” I’ve made many deals, sometimes we didn’t deal with immigration, but my administration made it bigger and better than ever. Greatest economy this country’s ever seen, and we’re heading down the darkest path now. The worst immigration, the worst economy, the worst presidents in history - ever. We need respect, and only I can make that happen. The left? They want to eat your babies - shocking, isn’t it? It’s sad really, truly it is.”