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This happens to me a lot and the reason I think it does is because I'm good looking enough that the woman could potentially get herself in the mindset that I'm attractive but not so good looking or masculine that I intimidate her existing boyfriend. I'm in that sweet spot of approachable non-judgmental, in decent shape, good attitude, kinky predilections, and I can make people laugh.
I have been approached double digits number of times which led me down the same thought path as you.
Yess, right‽ It's odd. I was like, "What is going on??" I think you might be on the ball. I'm attractive enough for the woman, but not too attractive to intimidate the man. Also, thinking about what people have said, I now remember that I asked a gay guy that was into kink about it. He said that my initial presentation is that I look non-judgmental and down for whatever. Basically, I seem like someone that could possibly be interested in it, but would be chill about it if I wasn't.
We're low risk targets lol