Ask Lemmy

When I need to sleep and can't, my go to is a relatively mindless game that I've gotten exceedingly good at automating my way through. Something like Sudoku, solitaire (specifically Klondike), or something. Usually on a digital device so I don't have to move too much to play and I don't have to worry about physical cards, shuffling, etc.

If it's a particularly bad night I can pair that with some music. I find either ambient trance or something similar, to be the best for this. One of my favorite "go the fuck to sleep" albums is called "Dreamland" by Robert Miles (may he rest in peace). Alternatively, I find nature/rain/thunderstorm sounds to be particularly calming for me, though YMMV. The calm pitter-patter of raindrops falling seems to really put me in a sleeping mood.

Combining these generally gets me ready to snooze the fastest. The other option I have is mediation, but you need to be practiced at getting into the right headspace for it to be effective. Meditation isn't really what you're after since you have said that basically sitting around with nothing going on is when you start to panic, which is generally how mediation begins, so I'm not sure it will be super helpful.

The only additional advice, which is a bit of an offshoot from the mediation thing, is that trying to not think is a contradiction. You can't try not to do something; unless you have some issues with impulse control, the "act" of not doing something is the antithesis of trying. You can't try to clear your mind, you clear your mind by not thinking, if you're thinking about clearing your mind, then that's a thought which, if present, precludes you having a clear mind.

You have to stop thinking, not just try to put things out of your mind, but stop all active thought and analysis. It is way easier to say, than it is to do, and I wouldn't pretend it's easy at all. I learned how to do this through meditation, and it's a fat departure from how you normally operate mentally, and not an easy thing to achieve. One of the strategies I've used is when your brain assaults you with a thought, you recognise it's existence, but refuse to interact/engage/analyse it at all, and just let that wash over you, and into oblivion. Again, easier said than done. Not allowing your thoughts to latch onto ideas and allowing your mind to be quiet, without commenting on, about, or examining every passing thought, does not come naturally.

I think of it a bit like this: take the example of your mind being a street in a busy city, every individual on the street is an independent thought you might engage with. This idea is a bit like sitting by yourself and watching everything around you without getting involved. Someone walks past screaming about some topic, like how the world is going to end and you just watch them walk by and don't comment on the matter. You recognise they're there, you just don't get involved. Your passive demeanor does not and should not imply you either agree, nor disagree with their statements or viewpoint, you are just present, observing them making a scene. Eventually they move on to yell about it in another location and you give it no further thought.

I hope that makes sense. Of course, modern society with all the social interactions we have, whether online or in person, always gives us the option to engage in discussion about everything and we're often encouraged to do so. People will outright ask for your opinion when having IRL conversations at times, which is a prime example of this conditioning. If you're able to break away from the need to have an opinion on everything and anything that crosses your path, and value people's opinions exactly as much as required, which isn't much, then you can break free, and you don't have to bother yourself with everyone's opinion and making yours heard. IMO, there's no value in sharing your opinion, especially when the recipient of that opinion has their own opinion which obviously will not change based on what you could say, so why bother even having one? It takes mental effort and time away from what's important to you to engage in such trivialities, when the outcome is unaffected by anything you think or say. Why invest the time and effort having an opinion when nobody cares what your opinion is enough to for it to have any impact on what happens? This isn't a value statement about you or your opinion, this is a value statement about any would be recipient of your opinion, they don't care, that's a problem, but it's a problem for them to solve; your opinion is valid, and if they can't see the validity in your opinion, why waste your time and effort creating one just so they can ignore it.

You cannot control the actions of others. You can't change what they care about. Both of these things are issues that the opposing individual must address about themselves, that you have no way to change about them. Save yourself the grief, and just don't bother with it. It sounds like you have enough on your plate, you don't need to add their crap to your pile.

With all that being said, it's a radical departure from the accepted social "norm" so it's a lot of stuff that's easier said than done. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I don't know all the details and I don't have the answers; but I've been though some rough shit, and it always sucks. I value you and your opinion, so if you want to reply, I'll be happy to hear anything you wish to share. IMO, it sucks right now but the fact that you're reaching out to anyone for help is a positive sign. Do not be afraid to ask for the help you require, it is not a sign of weakness to need help, it is a sign of strength and character to recognise that you require assistance and you are willing to ask for that assistance. It's brave and demonstrates a strong understanding of when you are unable to handle things alone.

We all need a little help sometimes. If you want to DM me, to inquire further on anything I've said, or to simply rant/vent, or if you just want to chat about technology (or literally anything) as a means of distraction, I'm happy to oblige. I believe my matrix account is linked to Lemmy, so that's also an option.

All the best OP.