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This sounds like my old place, but much worse.
We used to have laptops we had to lock in a cabinet (yeah, one of those cabinets with a really puny lock that's easy to pick). And we had to log into n old mainframe system that had numerous environment instances which each required a unique password that had to be changed every 90 days.
We (the software devs) basically rebelled on the laptop situation and insisted they find a better solution. Thankfully they changed policy and of allowed the laptops to be locked into our docking stations, which in turn were locked to our desks.
As for the mainframe system credential management, I tried using a standard third party password manager, but a) it wasn't a good fit for the credentials, and b) the sys admins or security team forcibly uninstalled it because it wasn't sanctioned software (even though it was a well-respected and actively maintained one). And our security group refused to go out and find one.
So being a dev, I wrote my own desktop password manager for the mainframe credentials. It was decently secure, but nowhere near as secure as a retail password manager. But it fit the quirks of the mainframe credentials requirements. And after my colleagues and manager did a code review of it, it was considered internal software, and thus fit for use.
As I was leaving they were in the process of removing all our local admin rights (without a clear path on how to accommodate for us developers debugging code - fun times ahead!).
But all of those annoyances pale in comparison to the shit you are having to deal with! Holy hell, that sounds like pure misery! I'm sorry.
Temporary workaround applications/scripts become de-facto standards sounds familiar. They disabled loading script files in Powershell but you can still copy&paste the file's content ...
People have no idea how absurd IT in corporations is.