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How do you accept the things you cannot change? (feddit.de)

submitted 9 months ago by lompedtfre@feddit.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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trying to stop being so thin skinned:

I had an online discussion with a random, we had a short but intense exchange until he replied and then blocked me, robbing me of a chance to reply.

I feel hurt because I couldn't reply. To me that means he won. I feel insulted and angry.

Yes, this is something I should talk to about with a shrink, but the therapist I contacted hasn't replied yet, so I might have to start looking for a new one if this one ain't reliable.

In the meantime I turn to the second best thing I can think of: this channel.

I can try to rationalize it: I cannot change it, I'm letting that guy live free in my mind, letting it go is the rational thing to do.

Except that here I'm not being rational, but emotional and I don't know why this triggers me so much.

Not having the last word triggers me. How would you solve this?

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[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 2 points 9 months ago

To say we must accept what we cannot change isn't technically false but it's an enormous oversimplification. Some people are dealt permanent cards in life, ones that they cannot change, but although one might argue this is a boulder/obstacle we must build a path around, the path can still challenge peoples' humanity. To say "accept what you cannot change" has the second implication of applying expectations to someone dealt extra limitations by their circumstances, trying to dismiss any burden of accommodation. I believe in the doctrine "help people (who) help themselves (trying the best one can do)".