this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2023
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Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry isn’t necessarily strength. You allowing them to do that shit by forgiving them ain’t strong imo. Moving on from that person is a much stronger thing to do
Forgiving isn't necessarily allowance, it's unburdening yourself of the emotional weight the wrong has done to you. It's possible to forgive someone for doing you wrong while still seeking justice, in fact doing that is the purest form of seeking justice, removal of the emotional investment of vengeance from the equation.
The wrongs you've done to others are the chains that bind you, but the wrongs you refuse to forgive are the chains that hold you to the person who wronged you, even after justice and atonement and even reconciliation, you won't be free until you've let go of it yourself.
it's also possible to let go without the forgiveness step.
Letting go is literally the act of forgiveness. This is like saying it's possible to inhale without breathing.
Looks like we have a semantic disagreement.
letting go is the act of not caring, the act of me moving on.
forgiveness implies I don't hold the person accountable anymore for whatever they did. In my mind, the first does not require the second.
You don't allow others to do anything.
Chances are they aren't going to change because you get pissed about. You're just going to waste you energy on it. Like arguing on here or Reddit.
It's much less effort to just let things go.
Letting go and forgiving are 2 different things. Letting go is allowing yourself to move on from what happened, which is good. Forgiving is saying that they are no longer accountable for what happened, which is good if they've realized that they did you wrong and have made steps to prevent it from happening in the future, but otherwise is just letting them off the hook for something they'll likely continue to do.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to someone to show they've grown as a person, and shouldn't be given to someone who hasn't grown enough to realize what they did was wrong. In that event, absolutely allow yourself to let go and move on, but to not give the other person the gift of forgiveness if they haven't earned it.
Yeah. If they're not sorry, then they don't think what they did was bad, and have no reason to stop doing it in the future, so forgiving them for it makes no sense - it's just giving them the power to continue mistreating you without consequence. Get away from them, prevent them from continuing to hurt you, then accept that it happened and move on, but don't give them forgiveness they don't yet deserve.