this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2023
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My dad died recently.
He was definitely a flawed man, and there were tons of problems between the two of us over the years. But I also heard plenty of stories about how he grew up, and about his parents—both from my dad and from other family members. Without a doubt, he managed to be a better person than his parents, and a better parent to me than his parents were to him. They were straight-up cruel to him, whether physically or simply using him for the family's gain.
That doesn't absolve everything, and I've still got plenty of my own issues. But what I respect most of him, in hindsight, is that he played the hand he was dealt and managed to be a better man. Not perfect, but better. I want to do the same.
Sorry for being sappy, it's only been a couple of weeks. I also know that this doesn't apply to everyone, since some parents are indefensibly cruel and abusive. In general, though, I hope people can be easy on each other, easy on themselves, and stop letting "perfect" be the enemy of "good."
I’m very sorry for your loss. it’s really touching to see how much you understand him and accept his imperfections. May your grieving be as smooth or intense as you need it to be.
Thank you. The grieving has actually been both smooth & intense, with ups & downs, but I'm gradually doing better, as is my mom.
But anyway, the meme is accurate. :P I just have a more sensitive feeling about it given recent events.