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If someone's pronouns are any/all, what should I use or how should I determine how to refer to you and what pronouns to use? (monyet.cc)

submitted 1 year ago by DragonWasabi@monyet.cc to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I want to be respectful but if they say they don't care what pronouns I use for them, that feels like it puts the decision on me to choose what to call them and I guess I would probably default to "they" because choosing a gender for them feels weird... am I wrong?

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[–] June@lemm.ee 16 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

As an enby myself, I’d probably default to they/them but try to sprinkle in gendered pronouns when I saw them presenting more one way or another.

Depending on how close your relationship is, you can ask them if they have certain times that they prefer particular pronouns or not.

[–] shapesandstuff@feddit.de 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'd read any/all as "whatever you (the person talking about them) feels most comfortable with"

I'd probably default to they/them but in everyday language i tend to slip into whatever matches how they're presenting unless i know they have a preference.

[–] June@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You’re absolutely right that they’re are legit ok with whatever.

But as a person who does sometime prefer femme pronouns but for the sake of simplicity request they/them, I know that there are times when a person may be presenting in a way that reflects that they’re feeling gendered and that acknowledging that gender would result in euphoria. In general any pronoun is fine and they’ll never be offended by any particular pronoun, but if you want to be a good friend you can dig deeper and discover what gives them a sense of euphoria.

[–] shapesandstuff@feddit.de 2 points 1 year ago

Aye good advice :)

If anything I'd go by what they're actively choosing to present, i never do that guessing game of assigned at birth.