this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2023
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»I« am probably bullying myself at work the most. I feel like a walking lie. Just ... fake, like, that person that you see there, it's not even really »me«. I cannot stop the pretend 🤦 conditioned to feel that the mean attitude of people from my past and their opinions on me is my identity ....
For some reason I can't accept and allow myself. If I force myself to act like everyone else, I get incredibly anxious and panic attacks arise in me. Thus I just keep myself at a distance from them.
Sometimes I'll try to socialize and be a part of the group. It feels so utterly awkward though.
Maybe I can try and accept that maybe for the others the feelings I experience is not how they think about me and, perhaps, grow a little bit further out of my internalized shame. Hmm..
I see you also work in IT, jk. Lol
I actually did work in IT 🫣
Imposter syndrome