Asklemmy

I had a very toxic, manipulative, and lying boss. Would literally gaslight people. She criticized my valid overtime to my supervisor and when my supervisor told me, I said "Can you come with me to her office right now? I'm going to confront her." My supervisor was nervous but followed me to our boss' office. This was just the last straw for me in a long series of events.

Our department's office was being remodeled and we were temporarily in a space where there were a ton of other teams from homeless and school-based departments that heard me confront her.

I probably came close to aggressive, but I mostly stayed in an assertive tone/cadence. But it was clear that I was pissed... Every time she made one of her unreasonable criticisms I called her out on it. When she said we were going to agree to disagree, I told her: "No we're not; because you are wrong."

She knew that her criticisms were unreasonable and just to abuse her limited power that sadly still went to her head. She would gaslight our team about policy/workload changes that didn't actually come from above, and increased our workload unreasonably to make her look good. She literally told a team member of mine who was suicidal (we were all struggling immensely being over-worked in the collapsing healthcare system here in the US) "It sounds like you're standing on a ledge and you need to decide to stay or leap." This is leadership in one of the largest mental health organization in the US... She also told this same team member: "You're not depressed; you're just lazy.".......

She only got worse over the years until I quit in February this year after long-covid started kicking my ass and I couldn't handle the workload/lifestyle anymore. Despite the fact that she only got worse over time, she never treated me that way to my face again.

She'd lie and talk shit about me behind my back, but she never talked down to me or anything like that to my face again. I think I scared her. She'd never had anyone confront her and call her out on her bullshit, not to mention with an office full of like 20+ people to hear her humiliation.

On the walk back to my supervisor's office to finish our monthly 'supervision' meeting, my supervisor said "I can't believe you talked to her like that. I wish I could stand up to them like that.. but I'm too afraid to lose my job."

That right there is where I argue that my actions were probably against my own best interests, but it did work out well for me. She would no longer micromanage and harass me like everyone else she oversaw. It's usually worked out for the better, but I've got a bad habit of sticking to my guns when I know I'm right and not being afraid of confrontation.

I can't think of a time in my life that directly confronting and taking on a bully hasn't had a positive outcome for me. Whether it be verbally or physically, it has always made the circumstances better for me. Don't know if it's fear or respect. Most bullies are very insecure tho.

Definitely not recommending that sort of confrontation in a work setting tho. I think I probably would have been fired in most circumstances, but I think she knew I'd do my damnedest to uncover her bullshit on my way out.