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As a kid I had it hammered into my head by my grandparents that patriotism is the desire to improve (and maintain) the place where one lives.
I wish more people had that perspective. "Patriotism" as a description of blind devotion and themed outfits is pretty dumb.
Along those same lines, I feel like there is an interpretation of being proud to be American that (used to?) align with what is meant when people refer to "pride of ownership" of a house or neighborhood. The desire to maintain and improve the standard of your neighborhood as something to inspire pride, not just "herp derp I am proud of where I was born".
If your country was doing great, I could understand it. You'd be proud not of where you were born, but just how you and your fellow citizens have made your country great.
Problem is, America is very much not doing great.
By that argument, there isn't ever any pride to be had aside from personal forms, because even a multitude of 1 other isn't completely knowable.
If a kid has good grades, but there's a window of opportunity where the kid could be vandalizing things after school, your logic says their parent would be ridiculous for saying they're proud of them, because you don't fully know.
I'm not proud of America, don't get me wrong, but it's ok to be proud of one thing without omnipotence coming into play. Those that support big military have a great reason to be proud of America, and they can still be upset about the horrible education we give our kids. When pride is a buzzword it's generic but when people actually feel pride it's specific. Proud of your grades, proud of your maturity, proud of my nation's healthcare, proud of my family's cohesiveness, etc.
Being afraid to be proud, for fear of supporting or being associated with the wrong group, that's defeatist talk.
A parent is either proud of their child because of what they accomplished in raising the child- or they are proud for their child because they care about their child and are happy they have accomplishments.
Agreed, you shouldn't be proud of your country, your city, your race, your sexuality, etc. I am only proud of things I've done- not what I was born into.