Tell me if any of you relate to my ramble:
I thought I was good at socializing. I can be quiet charming, actually. And I actually really love the linguistics of social interaction, both verbal and nonverbal, even though it trips me up a lot.
I'm stuck on the concept of using an apology as an opening. Like, "I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply sooner" in an email. To me it's not actually an apology, no one's done anything wrong, and the other person isn't even inconvenienced in this case. It's just a polite greeting, a buffer before the actual content. But it's awkward when they reassure me I don't need to apologize, which I already know. Even though I'm aware that's just a "correct" way to reply to an apology in as casual a manner as I gave it. It's just like a mutual acknowledgement that unexpected time has passed.
So I think, look how much I know about weird unspoken social rules! I can't actually be autistic, right?!
As if laying in bed deliberating the off-label use of apologies in conversational transition and filler, while mentally rehearsing an email I hope to write tomorrow and puzzling over the least important but most concerning part (the greeting) isn't autistic as hell.
No, no, the frequent sensory overload and nonverbal shutdowns have no weight here.
Anyway, thanks for reading and happy stimming!
Edit: I'm okay on the wording/apologizing thing and don't need advice (though I appreciate the effort all the same)! I wrote this post oddly but the point was imposter syndrome about autism and the apology thing was just an example.
it does genuinely depend on the people involved. as much as ND's love to go "ugh, neurotypicals" (myself included) a lot of the stuff we rant about isn't specifically definative of NT.
in my experience, i have struggled mostly with people who could not imagine anything outside of their own personal experience, to the extent of disbelieving those other experiences exist.
i don't wish a partner like that for any autist. no matter how much they "love" you and want to "help" you. that is hell. that is death.
but a NT who acknowledges and accepts different inner experiences, and may even be curious about them, could make an amazing partner. they may not instinctively understand right away, but they will believe you. i think that's a fundamental prerequisite that a lot of NTs lack because they encounter more people who are like them than people who aren't.
like, i get when you meet 99 people who think the temperature in the room is incredibly pleasant, you might be baffled by the 1 person who is in sensory hell. but many people lack the imagination to think that person is legitimately uncomfortable, and instead think they want attention or something.
NDs are usually the odd ones out and so tend to encounter more people who are different than the same. and so it may be categorically easier to understand that people experience the world differently than us because that is kind of the main social issue we face most days our entire life.