This is hilarious, thank you.
Also, maybe cut back on whatever inspired this.
Oh, man. They got us good. Ha ha ha. [Cough]
The horse has been dead for thousands of years, and the dust of its former corpse has scattered to the wind. Yet somehow, it's still being beaten because anything less would be "woke."
Working Class vs Ownership Class
We could brand it as Special K and introduce a meat line of products
Generous of you to assume they were joking rather than testing the waters.
What about Morty-style psychic shields?
We can just make vaccines from autistic people
Their meat is oily and diseased?
Firefly: a lightning bug
Lightning bug: a firefly
Fire bug: an arsonist
Lightning fly: ??? The electric eel of the dragonfly world?
"Is that bat glowing?"
That's no bat. Run!"
[Electrical crackling sounds]
If you're an Ewok and you know it, say "Yùb Nùb!"
Yùb Nùb!
If you're an Ewok and you know it, say "Yùb Nùb!"
Yùb Nùb!
If you're an Ewok and you know it, then your words should surely show it.
If you're an Ewok and you know it, say "Yùb Nùb!"
Yùb Nùb!
Feel free to add some more verses, but I'll be glad just for a hearty "Yùb Nùb" of support.
On the other hand, if you didn't like it, I'll understand if you utter a disproving "Yúb Nùb"
Please keep it civil, though. I don't want to hear any hate speech or bias terms like "Y-b N-b" or "Y-b N-b" and especially not the Y-N-Phrase.
Also, does anyone know how to get lemmy to display an asterisk?
Deep beneath a private island in the Pacific, in a hidden chamber lined with gold-leafed bookshelves and quantum supercomputers, the most powerful men on Earth gathered in secret.
Donald Trump adjusted his crimson tie and sighed. “It’s not working, folks. We tried giving them money, and they just keep asking for less.”
Mark Zuckerberg, seated beside him, nodded solemnly. “I even launched an algorithm that boosted posts about universal basic income. What happened? People demanded more gig work instead.”
Elon Musk leaned forward, rubbing his temples. “I offered to give away Tesla stock. Instead, they asked me to cut costs and fire more workers to ‘boost productivity.’ How do you give away wealth when they refuse to take it?”
Jeff Bezos, pacing the marble floor, gestured wildly. “I raised warehouse wages! They organized a petition to lower them, saying it would ‘teach discipline.’”
Peter Thiel adjusted his monocle. No one knew why he wore one, but it added to his aura of sinister brilliance. “We tried funneling money through offshore charities. We even funded a secret movement that encouraged people to demand better living conditions. What happened? They begged for longer hours, fewer benefits, and harsher bosses.”
Larry Ellison sipped a 200-year-old scotch and sighed. “We’re trapped. Every time we try to redistribute our wealth, the system forces it back into our hands.”
A hush fell over the chamber.
The room’s quantum supercomputer beeped. A projection lit up the wall, showing an economic simulation. Every time they injected money into the lower classes, the populace—driven by an inexplicable work ethic—found ways to give it back. They called for “hard work” over “handouts,” praised billionaires as job creators, and tirelessly pursued policies that kept wages low and corporate profits high.
Trump shook his head. “I thought people loved winning. This is the worst deal in history.”
Musk sighed. “Maybe we should leave Earth entirely. Let them sort it out.”
Bezos frowned. “Mars colonization isn’t ready yet.”
Zuckerberg scrolled through his phone, a flicker of hope in his eyes. “What if we just… stopped trying?”
The billionaires exchanged glances.
Thiel steepled his fingers. “That would mean living with the guilt.”
Ellison drained his glass. “Or we could take the nuclear option.”
The room fell silent.
“The nuclear option?” Bezos asked cautiously.
Ellison leaned in, his voice barely above a whisper. “We... give them everything.”
Gasps filled the chamber.
“No stocks. No corporations. No assets. No wealth,” Ellison continued. “We drop it all into their laps and walk away. No strings attached. No economic structures left to maintain. Just pure, uncontrolled prosperity.”
Musk paled. “That’s madness. A complete system collapse.”
Trump grumbled. “But maybe… the greatest system collapse.”
The quantum supercomputer calculated. The answer flashed on the screen:
Projected Outcome: Billionaires’ wealth depleted. Poverty instantly eradicated. Within five years, 98% of former billionaires regain their fortunes due to economic demand for ‘strong leadership’ and ‘wealth redistribution toward the competent.’
Zuckerberg groaned. “Even if we burn it all down, they’ll just build it back up around us.”
Bezos sat heavily in his chair. “Then there’s only one solution.”
The others leaned in.
“We keep trying.”
Silence.
Then, one by one, the billionaires nodded.
It was their curse. Their eternal struggle. No matter how hard they tried to give it all away, the world would always find a way to make them rich again.
And so, reluctantly, they raised their glasses.
“To ending poverty,” Musk muttered.
“To losing,” Trump added.
They drank in grim silence, knowing that, once again, they were doomed to win.
I wish I remembered the name of that one site I found halfway down the rabbit hole, though.
I don't actually know. Their anatomy and physiology is so foreign that I wonder if they even have cannabinoid receptors.