Thank goodness this reads, at least to me, as largely satire. But then again Poe's Law is certainly a thing.
I have been hit twice by motorists/cars while road cycling, and will die on the hill that US motorists are entitled asses, too self-absorbed to care that, LEGALLY, on just about any roadway bicycles are allowed to take up one entire lane, as a full-fledged vehicle.
Drivers can piss off and cry, that the whole world isn't cars like the auto manufacturer lobby and oil magnates/giants have tried to force us all to become dependent upon and addicted to.
And you're US-based, @NotAPenguin ?? Which provider do you use for it? Verizon?
Any issues with US towers and connectivity or setting it up to "talk to" the US infrastructure?