Because “come here” is a command, and when a pattern emerges over the lifetime of a relationship it is disrespectful to you. Are you a dog?
this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
322 points (90.9% liked)
No Stupid Questions
35926 readers
1329 users here now
No such thing. Ask away!
!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules (interactive)
Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.
All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.
Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.
If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.
Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.
If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Credits
Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!
The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
You are normal and have every right to be bothered by it. Have a chat with them and let them know how much it bugs you, and offer them an easy fix: just provide context.
load more comments
(1 replies)
My mother is like this as well, when I was little she used to only say "come here!", and if I wasn't showing up right next to her she wouldn't say what she wanted to say, she would just stay silent. Sometimes it was only to let me know it was someone's birthday.
She even says it unconsciously now. She lives in Venezuela, I live in Brazil now, and during calls she still says "come here" and every time I tell her "Now how am I gonna go there right now? Are you paying for the plane tickets?"
It's not just you, you're not mental, it's fucking frustrating and at some point in my life I just decided not to react to her "come here" and keep quiet until she tells me what she wants, otherwise I'm not interested.
I have a similar issue with a co-worker that I trained under for a while: when he wanted to show me how to do a thing, he wouldn't tell me what he was instructing me on, he would just start walking me through steps so that he could reveal what was finished at the end.
I ended up having a blow up where I told him to tell me what I was doing before I started doing it, and that he isn't a fucking magician.
Editted to add: I started calling him Houdini for a while, which is what made him stop
tell him to stop issueing the command of "come here," and instead offer up alternatives.
"Hey, you got a second to see this?"
"Honey, you gotta check this out!"
"Honey, drop everything you're doing and run to me"
"Hey babe, come experience this crazy thing with me!"
I guess it bothers you as it's a command, not a request. I'm not to responsive to commands as well. My wife doesn't give them, but states a situation, usually expecting I drop everything and respond. (almost as bad)
As someone already reacted, in the car I get a 'look' as well, but th's usually because she sees an old car. (When busy with traffic, I miss it, but we have some nice spots)
Some consideration from your partner is appreciated though, but that requires telling what is wrong as well. Without communication the problem only escalates. (Which usually doesn't bode well for relationships)
Hmm that’s part of it. But I literally never know what I’m walking in to. About 2 months ago he was yelling “a little help here. Hurry. I need you.” He said those three things instead of “I cut my hand in the garage, bring a towel because I’m bleeding”. Nope he yelled at me vaguely and then acted annoyed when I didn’t hurry and he was clearly bleeding everywhere and then snapped at me to go get him a towel and move faster because it was an emergency.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I have a different nickname for my wife when I want her to come to me. So it's just so easy I just have to shout and she'll show up in a matter of seconds. But if call her by regular name, she'll just reply asking. WHAAAT?
Also I think you're bothered because "come here" is just so basic, feels like an order, we see ourselves as something being told to dogs. Just two more words can change the tone a lot "can you come here?"
I think you alone might need some counseling. Because that is not healthy. Just enjoy the fact that your partner invests time, thought and energy in you by showing you stuff.
There is nothing unhealthy about being annoyed when someone forces you to always come to them no matter what it is about again and again and again, instead of at least sometimes actively coming to you when they want to interact.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(12 replies)
Why
Because you're not the property of a huge baby
Thats just how he talks. Tell him to try and rephrase it. It can take a while if he is stuck in his old ways though.
I hate it, too. It's like someone ordering a circus animal to perform.
I also hate it when I get vague open-ended texts like "favor?".
What does he do if you stay where you're at and ask what he wants you for?
load more comments
(2 replies)
My husband does this too, and when I ask “What’s up?” he coyly replies “You’ll see!” Argh!
load more comments
(1 replies)
Follow up question, have you had a discussion with him about this? Have you two attempted to approach and solve this problem as a team already?
your post has just illustrated to me how blissfully uncommon it is that anyone ever tells me to "come here".
I can't tell you the last time someone said it. I'm sure it's not super long ago but I don't remember a specific circumstance.
There have been differently phrased instances, though:
"hey, can you have a look at this for me please?"
or
"i'd like to show you something"
or
"i need your help with something"
or
"i want to go over something with you when you get a chance" while implying by nodding toward the hallway out of earshot from the others in the office
etc.
...
jordan howlett does it on his youtube shorts though i guess? but that's not to ME, that's to the whole audience. and he zooms in with his phone camera. freaking love that guy.