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Few months ago I lost my job (don't pity me it is ok), decided that it doesn't make sense to look for another, roughly planned half year trip and tomorrow I am leaving.

So I am nervous of air travel, tomorrow I leave at 3 am, I can't sleep well and can't eat much because of my nerves.

Yesterday I had beer with my friends that I won't see for a long time, I said goodbye to my relatives and now I try to distract myself from thinking about it that much.

Yeah my week is going exactly as I imagined it would go when I started planning.

Oof, sorry to hear that. Lots of illnesses going around this time of year, which is expected, but Strep can't be particularly fun. Nor getting your tonsils out. When I got back from visiting my family for Xmas, I definitely picked up a little something. Had a scratchy throat, minor body aches, and a low fever. But it was gone within a couple days.

Otherwise, pretty chill this week so far. Unplanned WFH on Monday and Tuesday due to snowstorm. Then today (Thurs) is a paid "holiday" for Pres. Carter's funeral, and I took Friday off to make a 4-day weekend. So yesterday (Weds) was the only day I went into the office. I could've WFH again today, but thought I should make an appearance. Been a week since I was last in office, due to holidays, and next week I'm full WFH for online training. It was good to see people, anyway.

Thinking about visiting NYC for a day or overnight trip this weekend. I'd just take Amtrak up. I've been all over the States, but somehow never to NYC. So why not do something other than game and sleep for 4 days? Only thing I'm worried about is another potential snowstorm headed to the region. I don't want to get stuck in NYC if trains get cancelled for weather. But right now, the plan is to go. Just need to, you know, actually buy the train tickets and perhaps book a hotel room. The important things.

Damn I hope you get better soon <3 My week is going alright I have been playing minecraft and uploading medium length videos to youtube of the gameplay. At least I think its medium length I keep them just under 8 minutes because that is the minimum length for mid roll ads and I just don't vibe very well with advertisements in the middle of videos and think others should not have to put up with them either. The longest videos are at 7:59 btw so I think that counts as somewhere on the lower end of the medium spectrum for length.

Dang, I'm sorry about your tonsils! I have no useful input but I hope you feel better soon, strep sucks.

This week feels out to get me. My alarm didn't go off on two different days, I lost my comb, and work is awful.

The forecast keeps calling for snow and customers lose their everloving minds even though it never amounts to anything. Orders are almost two hours overdue and we can't get below 3,000 picks. The store is so crowded with all these losers shopping as slowly as possible and they won't get out of the way for nothing, so that gets us even more behind.

I got into another argument with my friend.

I know I'm probably the drama. I left the friend group since I was getting into drama with everyone except him, now it's just us and we're getting into drama. I'm aware I'm the common denominator here, and I keep trying to change, but all the changes I make are wrong.

I don't take his advice and it's disrespectful. I take his advice and that's too needy. I talk about my problems too much. It hurts his feelings that I stopped talking about my problems. Me saying that I have problems but refusing to elaborate is passive aggressive. (He's right there, lol. I was hoping he'd get the hint and stop pressing.)

I asked if I could bitch about something minor and he said yes, I honestly thought it'd be two sentences and I'd move on with my day. It turned into a big argument, then that somehow turned into a separate argument where he talked about what a terrible person he is for two hours while I failed to talk him down.

He hasnt talked to me since, and I have no plans to reach out. It's really weighing on me, we used to be best friends, I don't know what happened. I think I'm going to make my therapy goal to be someone who is even capable of interpersonal relationships, and keep to myself in the meantime

I don't know why, but I've been in a particularly good mood this week. My boss is out of town, which definitely helps, and Christmas went relatively okay which is nothing short of a miracle (only one person had a breakdown, and it was at the very end, and it wasn't even me!*)

In any case, I'm glad to be in better spirits after a really rough November and December, seasonal depression hit hard this year.

*For anyone curious (and because I feel like oversharing for once); it was my mom after I called her out on her complete lack of effort to gender me correctly. It was an accumulation of various other things going on in her life that triggered the breakdown; her mom's health is rapidly deteriorating and she's dealing with my very depressed younger brother who still lives at home. She took it a bit rough on the spot, but afterwards asked me to send her resources to learn more, she's been listening to a few podcasts hosted by queer people, and she says she looks forward to talking to me more in depth about gender. I'm lucky to have decent parents.