A dramatization, by someone slightly baked:
"This is my neighbor. I keep him from getting too uppity by basically making it impossible to live here, since because of Me everything is insanely expensive or they literally can't buy it.
As anyone who works for me can tell you, it's not MY fault I'm doing this. It's because I don't like the colors of their shirt. Blame the shirt. And everyone take a look at how dumb wearing this shirt makes you look! See what happens when you wear it? You end up like him EVERY TIME! For more proof just look at all these other people who's shirts I didn't like and also attempted to kill (allegedly wink wink) and see how poorly they're doing. I'm such a good neighbor. Just ask my richer neighbor. And ignore anyone inside frantically shaking their head no. Number 1!"