Ask Lemmy

Just want to say, yes. A thousand times yes. Therapy is worth it a million times over. If you don't find the therapist you mesh with immediately, don't lose hope. Trust your gut and keep looking.

Once I found the right therapist, things really improved in my life and I was able to make sense of things that I had previously been unaware of.

Good luck!

If you think you need it, likely yes but finding the right therapist who meshes with you is absolutely crucial. You have to do your research and also understand that with the world essentially on fire that lots of therapists are booked up. I've spoken to people who have just not worked with me personality wise and others who I've thought were just shitty.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us is a good start. You can sort by what you're looking for and who might take your insuance. A tip: create a spreadsheet with who you've contacted, their response and whether they offered a referral. Treat it like job hunting. You're going to need to reach out to a lot of people. Most will get back to you within a business day, but it's been my experience that nearly 3/4ths of therapists on that site who say they have openings do not in fact have openings. Be picky and trust your gut on your initial consult.

Best of luck

My last therapist disappeared into the redwoods after doing a hit of acid laced with DMT. Seeing as he'd been growling like a tiger all night as part of some Hindu shaman thing he'd picked up on the streets of New Delhi, it was kind of a relief. All that was left behind was his kilt. Sometimes I wonder where he is and whether or not the Hell's Angels were really hunting him.

True story. Oregon can get wild in the backwoods.

That being said, you probably could do without my advice on finding therapists.

While it wasn’t for me, therapy is worth for the most people. You can learn new strategies and explore the cause of your problems and how to tackle them. Most people really benefit from it.

I am completely therapy resistant, several tried and gave up on me. This can be the case for you, but that is very unlikely. I am just a psychopath who doesn’t accept authority, that makes it impossible to do any therapy.

I unfortunately can't tell you how to find a therapist, because I am not from the US, but to the question if it is worth it:

Absolutely! For me it is still one of the best decisions I took in my life and it helped me so much in fighting my my depression and anxiety.

In my case it's unaffordable. It's just $15 per visit, but it's a lot in my country. And I'm not particularly rich either

I think it can be very beneficial, it might take a while to find someone you work well with, so don't give up if you don't like the first person. I recommend trying Psychology Today's therapist finder online!

Long story short - it depends. But, with a therapist you vibe with - abso-fucking-1000x-lutely!

It depends. Talk therapy works for a lot of people, but not all. But, it's almost always a good starting place. If you feel like you aren't making any progress with your therapist, you can always tell them that, and they can help you explore other options outside of psychotherapy. They could recommend a psychiatrist who can try medical therapy options with you. From there, if you still feel that you aren't making progress, your psychiatrist can possibly recommend medical operations such as ECT if you're still having trouble.

It doesn't always have to take this path, though. But I can absolutely recommend therapy as a launch pad.

For my own anecdote, I went to a therapist for several months, and after a while I felt like I was reaching a brick wall. And not due to any trouble with the therapist, but because I felt like I had milked therapy for all I could. He was able to refer me to a psychiatrist who then worked with me on finding an appropriate medication and we explored other venues from there. While I basically maxed out the gains I could get from therapy, I was still able to learn a lot of really useful things during that process anyway, which are still helpful to me today. So don't go into it with the expectation that you'll find yourself cured, but go into it with an open mind.

To share my experience concerning your questions.

Has therapy helped you enough to be worth the time?

Definitely, but with very varying results, and also with the caveat that my time in phases of deep depression is almost worthless because I can't really use it for myself or even productively for others either. The varying results part leads to

Is it very difficult to find a therapist you mesh with?

Yes, I've been in all kinds of therapies, from analytic to purely psychiatric, have gotten a ton of different diagnoses since my early teens, and results have been sometimes disheartening and sometimes lifechanging in positive ways. My advice is: Don't be afraid to switch therapists if after a few sessions you notice it's not working out, and try to in advance research as well as possible if there are any specialised in cases like your own (seeing as you already have some diagnosis to work with).

With the last point, I can't really help you much, no idea how it is in the US. Here, you can usually get lists with regional therapists that are covered from your insurance. Also there are more and more online platforms, although I couldn't help you with US-based ones.

Here's hoping you will find someone that can help you, and even if that doesn't happen, that you will be able to manage to get through the curret tough times. Be well and take care.

Yes yes yes yes yes.

I’m a 32 yr old male with ADHD, chronic pain, past trauma, sleep issues, low testosterone, and haven’t had much stability in my life for the last 5 years. I don’t think I could have gotten through it without therapy. A good therapist will help you work through your thoughts and emotions and feelings and give you the tools to be able to function and get through those times when you are overwhelmed.

Please feel from to reach out if you want to talk more. I’ve been where you are with deciding what to do and would love to help.

In the mean time I have a couple books I would recommend that really changed my perspective.

Man’s Search for Meaning
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl-ebook/dp/B009U9S6FI
Extremely powerful, written about the human experience from a survivor of Auschwitz.

The Untethered Soul
https://www.amazon.com/Untethered-Soul-Journey-Beyond-Yourself/dp/1572245379
Probably opened my eyes more than any other book and helped me immensely with the day to day stuff.

Iron John
https://www.amazon.com/Iron-John-Book-about-Men/dp/0306824264
(Not sure of your gender) This book is about what it is to grow into a man. Not a manly man or traditional man or anything like that, but a real man who embraces his masculinity and femininity. Talks about how we need something more than our parents to grow. I think it’s still a amazing read no matter what gender you are because it does help make sense of why so many men are the way that they are.

Sounds like it is worth exploring, at the very least. When I found the right therapist it was like scratching an itch I didn't knowI had.

Good luck to you, friend-o.

From my experience:

1. It depends on the therapist. Ultimately what I got out of it is heavily based on what I put into it. If I just showed up and said everything was fine when it wasn’t, that obviously didn’t help. If I didn’t do the “homework”, that didn’t help. If I was bullshitting and the therapist knew I was and didn’t call me on it, that didn’t help. At one point I was struggling with religion, and having a therapist say I just needed to pray more didn’t help.

2. It can be, but if you have an understanding of what you’re looking for it can be helpful. For example:

• I prefer therapists who follow the school of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) over almost any other kind. If they follow psychoanalytical methods I probably won’t mesh with them. If you like a particular school, go with that.
• Are you religious or does it play a big role in your life? If not, it might be useful to find one that is friendly to atheists or doesn’t mention religion or spiritual guidance as a big part of their approach.
• You mention you have ADHD and autism, finding therapists with focus/experience on those can be helpful. Same if you need help with a particular topic like familial relationships, sex, addiction, etc.
• Are you a part of any other groups? If you’re not straight, going to a therapist that “supports diversity” or has similar sentences in their bio can help.
• Are you more open over video? If so, a therapist that does video visits may help.

3. My insurance covers mental health benefits, so I go to their site and find a provider. They usually have filters for main approach, specialties, etc. You should double check they’re taking new patients and take your insurance because sometimes that changes fast. I usually find a few I’m interested in and email them asking any questions. If we both seem ok, we move forward and schedule something.

Don’t give up if you don’t find someone immediately, it can take a few to find one you vibe with. Best of luck!

Can only answer your firts question as I do not live in the USA. I would compare therapy to chiropractic. You suffer everyday from a pain that prevents you from living your life to it's fullest, being a knee pain, back ache or anxiety, ocd, depression... Sometimes you only need a short series of sessions to feel better, sometimes you have to exercise at home to reinforce what you've done with your therapist and sometimes you need to see them twice a week for a longer period of time because the suffering is unbearable. I would not say that you find definite answers to your pain because it is in you and most certainly will never disappear completely. I see mental suffering as a condition that is the result of hereditary traits and events in your life, exactly like having bad joints or fragile bones. Good luck out there and take care of yourself.

I can help a bit. The short answers are yes, yes, and it's complicated.

Therapy absolutely can work. It's very circumstantial. It depends on what kind of problems you have, and whether you're prepared to work on them. I don't say this in a judgement sense, but it's important to understand that most work takes place between sessions. If they're good, they give advice on things to practice when you're in a situation and then you try it and report back. That sort of thing.

Is it hard to find a therapist? God, I wish I could tell you "no!", but in my experience, it is. Part of it is the challenge of getting an appointment with anyone, and then after that is the challenge of finding someone capable with whom you're compatible. My best advice is to think of it a bit like dating or interviewing someone for a job. If they don't seem to get you, move on, and keep doing so until you find a match that is at least good enough.

How do you find one? If you have insurance, you call them or email and they email you a list of in-network people or direct you to a list on their website. Then you call each during your lunch hour and a bunch are disconnected or require you to go through a long phone tree before you learn that they do physical therapy, not the head kind, or they have no availability for new patients. Eventually, you get a call back from leaving a message on a bunch of voicemails, and the direct you to complete an intake questionnaire, then schedule a first session.

I advice trying to get into a clinic with multiple providers instead of a solo practitioner, because if the first person you talk to isn't a match, they can connect you with a different shrink at the same clinic if they've got several. Otherwise, you have to keep looking again and fill out the new patient questionnaires again.

It really sucks how many barriers are there, and I advise getting help from a supportive friend or partner if possible. If you get access or end up signing up for BetterHelp with a podcast code, eventually it can make life-changing difference. Good luck.

Very much yes, on the “does it help” question, but you get results in direct proportion to what you are willing to put in. The great thing is that a therapist is someone you can be completely honest with, but it takes time and effort (and courage) to show up like that.

I wanted to point out that some health plans seem to be offering CBT (computer-based therapy) options since Covid, and these are often complementary to other psychology coverage. (I live in Canada, so ymmv.). They may be a good way to “try out” therapy to see if you can gain any insight, but remember they are not much like talking to a live therapist.

My experience is that you will know when you need to go. It may be a while after that when you actually do go, but it takes what it takes. Pain is a pretty persistent motivator.

Even if you are not in crisis, your awareness of your situation and your need for help in dealing with it are really positive and a great starting point. Follow your instinct and try to find someone you feel safe with. I would say that one or two sessions with someone are usually enough to tell if you can work effectively with that person, and it’s fine to decide they are not working and you need to keep looking. There are good and less good therapists, just like in every other career and walk of life.

Good luck to you! I hope you find what you are looking for.

Is it very difficult to find a therapist you mesh with?

I went through nine therapists until I found one who's actually been helpful.

Their only real function is to help you figure out stuff you're not aware of or willing/able to address on your own. Like if you find yourself unable to change some negative aspect of your life but don't know why, that is where a therapist really helps. If you have occasional circumstantial depression from the isolation inherent to partial disability, a therapist is not able to do anything except medicate the symptoms.

My experience is, talking to someone is a pain but helpful.

I have found it to be marginally useful. Somewhat. Basically it’s a chance to express myself and somewhat vent to someone who gives (ideally) useful feedback. If they’re not actually good at their job, sometimes the feedback is useless or even harmful, so talking to them worse than not.

I can see how for some people it might be, but I tried therapy for a few weeks, but I didn't find it helpful. I have plenty of people I can talk to about various issues. I think therapy might work for me, but I would need someone really talented and spend a fortune.

Therapy is kind of like college. You go into it, to try and know what you'd like to do. Only in therapy's case, you're going into therapy to narrow down exactly what you think is wrong with you and finding that confirmation on whether or not you truly have something.

Talking to online friends and close ones are limited because they cannot give you medical advice. They're there to weather your mental storms until you do manage to get to a therapist that can at least gauge the forecast.

And if I had to give one tip about therapy, try to make a series of bullet points and prioritize what you want to figure out the most from top to bottom. Things like "Why is it do I randomly snap or cry around people?" are things you probably should have on the top to talk about, as opposed to "why do I randomly make mayo sandwiches every other hour?" being the very bottom.

Yeah, you should totally go. It's like unwinding a very complex knot of thoughts and emotions. It's always nice to have a non bias view on your life.