LGBTQ+

The young mixed race gay couple that moved in across the street is always having people over and doing fun things. Then there is me trying to strap my screaming toddler into the car after trying to get her out the door for the past 45 minutes. Maybe they could not rub it in my face that they have all the free time in the world?

Then there's the goddamn leaf blower. Every time they mow, they then use a backpack gas leaf blower, leaves on the ground? Leaf blower. Just got done washing the car? Better blow dry it with the leaf blower.

Goddamn gay people making me miss being young and free.

I don't think it has really bothered me in life. It's just a given thing for me and I understand why society is more focussed on heterosexual couples. I very much respect your opinion but personally (as a trans lesbian person) do not really prefer a change. I do have preferences on different subjects involving LGBTQ+ people but I will leave that for a different thread.

I'm transgender and don't really care, I have a lot more more important problems to be tired of. Most of my friends are on the LGBT spectrum and I don't interact with greater society all that much.

What tends to bother me more is how our world is built for neurotypicals, as someone with autism and CPTSD. That actually has an effect on my life.

I totally get the wish to see more representation in media. Fortunately there is more and more LGBTQ+ positive content. (Asking for suggestions might be an interesting topic! I'd go for Our Flag Means Death and The Sandman.)

Getting heteronormative behavior pressured into you by your surroundings at every step of life is another issue. And It's so stuffy and codified and normed too. Do you have a girlfriend? When will you get married? When's the baby? Uuurgh.

cue the eye-rolling but what was it 21 years ago you could beat and kill lgbt and use the defense(gay panic)that them seeing a lgbt person drove them to such rage they couldn't/wouldn't be held accountable in a court of law.(Matthew Shepherd🙏was the first time it didn't work) along with don't ask don't tell. 1976 was the year the AMA removed that the mental illness that lgbt people suffered from causes them to be sexual deviates. for decades 5% of the pop identified as lgbt. when Obama included lgbt people in the hate crimes act the numbers soon shot up to 25% of the population. the 80s and 90s the thinking was if you could safely be out be out bc they couldn't kill all us without suffering a backlash and they'll just have to get use to lgbt folks. you want to push back on hetronormativty tell your grandmother pretty boys grandma I'm bi and then she knows she let's the family know and your life improves bc not being able to be seen as your trueself is damaging to your mental health and confidence AND they have skin in the game you and your safety and they'll be more likely to shut down homophobia and we all benefit from this but it's not going to work if 87% lgbt remain closeted. Just a thought

In practice, yes. Absolutely.

With your grandmother, no. Unless your grandmother is a raging asshole and doing it on purpose to sleight you - your grandmother likely loves you very very much. She’s not doing it on purpose.

(If your grandmother is intentionally sleighing you, ignore the following completely. Fk her if she is.)

Your grandmother likely has zero frame of reference to contextualize what she is inadvertently doing. She’s been doing and saying the same idioms for 60, 70, 80 years or more. I COMPLETELY understand the frustration but she’s not repeating them to sleight you.

If you have a good relationship I’m sure if she’s doing something that is especially triggering - she would be more than happy to adjust with gentle reminders after you’ve had a discussion about it and a gentle reminder when ever she falls back into old habits.

We all know kids learn language fast and more easily with immersion. Adults are exponentially worse. Can you imagine what it’s like for an Octogenarian, let alone with zero immersion? You are likely their ONLY point of reference. It’s going to take time to unlearn those habits. It’s like they’ve only spoken English their entire life and suddenly everyone around them speaks fluent Spanish and those around them are frustrated with them that they keep speaking English. They haven’t changed or moved - everyone else is changing around them, and although for the better your grandparents are understandably confused at the resentment.

Regardless - If she actually knows certain phrases bother you she will change. It will take practice on her part. But give her some latitude.

If she refuses to change, family is who you choose to surround yourself with, not who’s genetics you share. If you’re young and compelled to acquiesce to the whim of your parents in the meantime to tolerate your grandparents, know you’ll be able to choose for yourself who your family are sooner than to think.

But what I wouldn’t give for even one more day with my grandmother who loved, accepted, and supported me like no other even when she didn’t completely understand. Even when she got it wrong she tried so, so hard to get it right. She’d even correct other people and shoot me a grin afterward - so proud of me and proud of herself for advocating for me and being a better person.

Get mad at others especially ones that don’t care about you - but be patient and love your grandmother unconditionally like she loves you.

And hug her big for my sake. Maybe twice.

Humans are simple creatures. It’s difficult for them to think for themselves.