Basically it's lemmy scaling and thereby uncovering all the stuff that does not scale well. It will be fixed soon, right now it's basically growing pains.
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They should be. There is currently a known bug that causes some messages to either take some time to appear or to be lost if they're not sent out in time by your server, which can happen when it's saturated. Fortunately the new lemmy version coming out tomorrow fixes this.
It can also be related to language filters that could be on by default.
Where do you go to keep track of new lemmy updates? Their github?
This is the bug I’ve subscribed to for updates on this issue: https://github.com/LemmyNet/lemmy/issues/3101
It’s surprising to me that it’s not the top priority. Needs more thumbs ups!
It looks like lemmy is competing with mastadon on comments and posts with only quarter the user numbers
I've also been experiencing this issue from other lemmy.world users when they're responding to posts I make on lemmy.ml. Their comments just aren't appearing outside of their instance.
You may be doing nothing wrong.
I've noticed something similar today, and it seems to be on a per-instance basis. Some instances federate almost immediately, others take forever. I think it depends in part on how their back-ends are behaving. When my server federates with something that's running well it goes pretty fast because there's only 2 people on my instance and the hardware is pretty decent. On the other hand, some instances have a lot going on.