ADHD

That doesn't sound like burnout. That sounds like cyclical depression or maybe even bipolar disorder.

You should discuss this with your doctor. There are a lot of things that could be driving this and while it might be job related, it doesn't sound like it's specific to one job.

Most people aren't exactly excited to go to work. Finding something you are passionate about might help a bit but it's not always viable. Better to find a way to reframe work in a positive light or find a career where you are helping someone or teaching someone. I work in Healthcare and while it can be stressful long hours it's rewarding when you help someone or I have a student that I can teach.

I think if other options are exhausted you might benefit from medication to help with the extremes you're describing. Although that's of course a discussion you should have with your doctor.

My only chance has been remote work. In my case, I work as a freelancer. I'm quite functional when I can do everything at home without facing people, and my job pays well enough/I have my life organized so I do not have to work full time.

This setup worked so well for me that I decided to return to university as a grown up just for the shits and giggles. I was well prepared, had no real pressure to be there, was just going to have fun, but got burnout anyway. Peopling is just not for me.

Stop working more than 32 hours a week. And do not make exceptions. Make sure, your work/life balance works out for you.

I agree with the recommendation for talking to the doctor; I'm in a similar position. This might be completely unrelated to your situation, so take it with many grains of salt.

What I've been learning is that a lot of my own burnout cycling seems to be cycles of intense and constant masking. I struggle with social situations, following "chronos" time instead of "Kairos" (if you will entertain the misuse of these), and eventually get so buried in obligations and actively resisting my natural impulses that my wants and needs get muddied and untended to and the pain of pretending or entering social modes builds up too much. Being in a mode, "professor mode", "friend mode", "colleague mode", "spouse mode", they all build up the tension and while I can seem socially adept, if I'm not in a mode I'm pretty useless. My Uber drivers can attest. Sometimes I do need a break from social activities while I break down the mask that builds up. A decalcifying of the brain. My friends seem to understand.

I'm a teaching professor, and I love the work, it has high flexibility but strict accountability, lots of room to experiment and find novelty, but a massive social burden and ridiculous workload. The only thing I've found to help so far, besides medication, is doing less. Fewer work obligations meant more time to de-mask, it meant I could take the more time on my tasks that I refused to admit to myself I needed compared to colleagues, more time to do stupid random impulsive (but safe) BS which I've found is the most relaxing to me, and that naturally led to meditating, exercising, and eating a bit healthier, which made things feel more manageable.

I don't know what the long term prospects of this realization are for me, but consider that ADHD usually means that tasks will take longer and more effort than typical people. Admitting to myself that it's a disability and I don't need to work twice or three times as hard as other people to make up for it all the time has been really important.

You also mentioned trauma; a lifetime of letting people down without knowing why really turned me into an over-supporter as an adult. Fawning response to stress - feeling the stress build up and instinctively doing whatever you can to help other people at cost of yourself, rather than fighting or running away or freezing up - and then when you're alone you fight yourself, freeze, or run away from everything. I've been told it's a form of invisible self harm, and it's nefarious because the goal is to make everyone else see things as all right.

So I don't know if any of this clicks true for you, and I don't fully know the solution to these, but awareness of my own issues has helped a lot, and I think awareness and recognition is key to getting started. Years of therapy, meditation, medication, it's all making progress, but it's slow, and awareness has been key to any of the positives. For me, it seems like working less and admitting to myself I have a disability, undoing years of traumatic people pleasing at my own expense, and learning to unmask more in social interactions and at home are key, however that path is treaded.

I can offer some suggestions based on anecdotal experience: First: find something that shares a foundation with a hobby or interest but is not that hobby or interest in itself. I.E. you like doing auto work for a hobby, do not go into automotive but look for things mechanically inclined instead. You need to protect the hobbies from the burnout/job.

2: Realistically, think about how social you are or are capable of and find something in that industry that is close enough to that level of socializing.

Tertiary: Burnout is more often a matter of when and not if. Having to put in excess time and labor or struggling outside of work because of it really adds to burnout mentally. So find a job that either compensates you enough or live a lifestyle that allows you to be comfortable with whatever compensation you're getting. Don't get me wrong, its easy to say "just make more money" but a lot harder to do so which is why lifestyle is extremely important too.

So to put it all together, I would say find something you're fundamentally interested in, that is not your hobby, find something that is adequate to your social capabilities, and make sure to take you time, and not be committed to that one place. The feeling of being stuck, or like it's a necessity, adds to the feeling that it's a must and that stress adds to burnout.

For me, I chose CNC Machining because I'm mechanically inclined and I'm not the most social. The pay is decent enough to get by on since I live fairly frugally too. Edit: Except when it comes to bugles. I need a lot of that shit. Lmao

Yeah, me too. Let me know if you figure something out, because it's awful.

I haven't been in the workforce all that long but I did experience burnout at my previous job. I sacrificed my mental health so much that I couldn't concentrate well, meaning I spent longer on work which made me more on edge and things just kept spiraling like that. I had a couple of months to reset with unemployment that did wonders for me.

I found for me the problem wasn't the work itself but the amount and requirements for it. I am now at a different company doing much of the same tasks but with a less demanding schedule and can work from home. If I can't focus, I can just walk away and come back to a task instead of feeling like I'm going to explode being trapped in front of work I just cannot pay attention to. And when I am working, I usually have Youtube, an audiobook, music, or a podcast playing to capture overflowing attention. There are still times when it gets bad but it's uncommon and much more manageable.

I would focus on finding a company that has an emphasis on work-life balance, and is able to retain employees. Flexible schedules and work from home can be dangerous for people with ADHD but I honestly feel like it's almost necessary. I am not sure I could go back even if it doubled my salary.

I feel driven to respond after reading your response to BugleFingers (whose response I agree with). It really sucks you are feeling shame about your difficulties with working. I believe a lot (not all) of the difficulties that neurodivergent people have with work isn't anything to do with them, but about the pressures of living under the tyranny of late-stage capitalism.

I don't think you not being able to work without burning out is evidence there's something wrong with you, I think it shows that most people don't get any kind of support in finding sustainable work. I hope you can find a way to forgive yourself for whatever you feel are your failings around employment because you've done nothing wrong.

Apart from what BugleFingers wrote (especially doing work you are interested in), I found self-employment/freelance work to be life changing. I like being my own boss because I can choose when I work and when I don't (with restrictions, obviously) and have found a way to make it work for me and my family.

It feels important to say it took me time to get to a point where this was financially practical, though. I went through a lot of jobs where I went through a cycle very similar to yours (don't listen to the person trying to diagnose you with more disorders; you getting depressed from work doesn't equal another diagnosis). I found my profession by doing jobs that seemed interesting and honing down what I actually liked. I think it's about balancing out what is important to you (e.g., making money, having nice things, having free time, ext.) with what is necessary (e.g., housing, food, bills, etc.).

I hope you can find a job that works for you, OP. Good luck.

I'm sorry if I don't reply to each individual comment. I really appreciate everyone's contributions. Having to go through them slowly because this whole topic just brings about a lot of shame and upset for me.

The first 7 years of my working life was like that. Up until I experienced a job that was different everyday. Different locations, different problems to troubleshoot and figure out. Sometimes at really neat places (i.e. Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, USAF bases, manufacturing plants, etc.).

You need to get into a trade and do service work. I did Automatic Doors, Locksmithing, and Access Control. Did that for 15 years, decided to learn a new trade, and now I'm learning refrigeration...

I finally got out of sales almost two years ago, and I'm still not feeling burnout! (Sometimes a particularly tough day will bring a little bit, but it's not an every-day dread to get out of bed kind of feeling)

I got into sales when I was young and never enjoyed it, but I was good enough to make money. Then, once you have a twenty year resume of sales positions, people are very unlikely to hire you for much else. Despite what the college degree says.

Fortunately, I found a boss who's as ADHD as me (I only mention that, because I suspect that we ADHDers can spot each other from a mile away and naturally "get" each other) at the local college and now I get paid to throw parties!

Thats the fun part, you dont! /s

I quit my corporate job after burnout and went through six months of depression. Then I started my own business, contracted back at my old company doing my old job for 4x the pay and it was amazing. No more performance reviews, "quality" meetings, etc. If they wanted to force me to sit in a meeting, I was getting paid by the hour. They couldn't dictate my hours, so when I needed a break, I took one.

Being in control was what saved me. Never work for others if you can be an independent contractor or entrepreneur.