I play online using Fantasy Grounds. They have a discord and also a forum on their website that has a "Player Looking for Group" and they are pretty active. With their beta version of their software you can connect to a game and play. You just won't be able to DM until you get one of the paid versions, or a subscription. Check out their website and take a look for the forum and discord links. I posted on their discord in the Player LFG and within about a day had two games I was in that matched my schedule. I think they also host weekly games you can sign up to join just to get a feel for online play.
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If you can get a local game shop they usually have Adventure league (Dnd official organized play) or a hosted game. It's easier to join in person since it's a set time and place and people you can talk to. That won't always work though if there isn't a store near you
Best way to get into a game isn’t to join those massive servers. It’s to go to a site like Roll20 and look for games and just apply. You’ll find a game eventually with a handful of people. Doesn’t always work but it’s worked fine for me so far.
You could buy your way in, there are allso paid games.
Your time is allso money, how many hours have you spent joining a free game?
Some DM's are hobbyists that run few games, and only ask for a bit of money to buy books and dndbeyond. Others try to have real income from it and run multiple per day.
My favorite one started with $5 games, but went professional. Their quality decreased, and the cost increased.
So I joined oneshots from other DM's untill I found my current one. While I still pay to play, my DM is not doing it for the income.
Doing it this way lets you experience what style of DM and coplayers you like pretty fast.
And what level of technology you like. For example: I prefer low tech, theater of the mind to roll20. I will not join any fantasygrounds or foundry game.
I've no answers sorry mate, i play online with friends.
I'm really only commenting to help bump your post.
Best of luck