Autism

This isn't normal conversation?

While it's normal to do this (outside of obvious one-upmanship) I think what makes it autistic is the crushing awareness of the pattern and the realization of how wrong the reaction to such an innocuous thing can be if interpreted incorrectly. Some sort of paranoia of being misunderstood.

Uh-oh. This is Autistic?

I'll often consciously play a game where I try to get my conversational partner to 'open up', telling me more personal information than a person would normally tell. Meanwhile, I keep my revelations to a minimum, keeping the ratio as high as I can. I've had people cry and hug me, all while knowing nothing about me. I do like helping people and comforting them though.

Probably sociopathic behavior now that I think about it. Forget I mentioned it.

If you are self-aware about this, then... tone it down. Like, 50% of the time you feel the urge to tell a related story, just don't. It's okay.

I do this all the time, I see nothing wrong with it, this person expalained it, but I thought it was obvious 🤨... like, I would like someone to do the same while I'm talking about something, cuz that shows interest and that that person can relate to my problem(s).

On the other hand, if people are like "yeah, yeah, I get it... mhm, yeah, you're right... mhm... mhm..." I just stop talking, it's obvious they're not interested in the subject I'm talking about... well, at least that's my reasoning.

If you don't try to verbally relate to the other person's experience isn't more of a lecture than a conversation?

Jesus, Megan -- we get it -- this happens to YOU too. How about letting Vicky finish her story

Wait. Is that not normal? I do exactly this all the time.

I do it because I have nothing else to say and I'm trying to keep the convo going.

So, what ways do we know to demonstrate active involvement with someone's story? And when are they appropriate or inappropriate?

• adding your own experiences (as per the OP)
• asking questions
• making noises - "mm-hm, ooh"
• mirroring the speaker's expressions
• eye contact
• gestures like nodding
• interjecting with an opinion (preferably sympathetic to the speaker)

Can you think of any more? Are there cultural variations? Any other observations?

Isn't this just normal behaviour? There is nothing wrong in this, to my understanding.

Why so many times i read adhd and now autism memes i can relate to them.

I've gotten better results if my interjected story is funny.

Omg I want to print this out and staple it to my chest. I’ve been accused so many times of being a ‘one-upper’ when I’m just doing my best to relate to people.

I also need a label like sandpaper has – I’m like 60 grit abrasive.

Oh god, I’m doing it again, aren’t I?

interspersed withing your own stories that you're telling me.

This is what I don't get. The neurotypical person is the one telling personal stories, but then we're the bad people when we...tell personal stories.

I just see the same behaviors in everyone all the time and wonder what exactly is making the difference between neurotypical and neurodiverse. Besides an undue stigma from neurotypicals against people who don't fit absolutely perfectly into social norms for whatever arbitrary reasons.

I saw this on Lemmy and it's so weirdly relatable

I do exactly the same thing. I have managed sort of workaround…tell your story you feel the need to share and then as the person a question relevant to their story.

Person tells story.

Me too, here’s my experience, and what did you do next about your story?

Not perfect, but you get that need to share your connection your way out of the way, and then turn the attention back to them.

Oh. I do this all the time especially when chatting to new people on the internet. If I do it and the chat goes cold, I'm wondering what have I done wrong.

It feels like I have a list of stories and anecdotes in my head to tell new friends and I'm just waiting for that trigger word or phrase to unleash my story.

Question: I don't know if this just me but sometimes when im talking and the other person interupts me, once I've let them finish, I'll purposely wait to see if they ask me to carry on. If they don't, I assume my story isn't interesting enough and feel a bit more boring.

I rarely think about the fact it might look like I'm making the convo about ne but this is definitely true for me.