this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2023
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So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I'm over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.

The thing is, she seems really mature but I can't put aside the age gap.

Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn't healthy for me or her?

Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?

Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)

Thank you everyone!

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I think you asking means you are not in it for the wrong reasons, don't deny yourself happiness becuase of what others might think

[โ€“] ExLisper@linux.community 0 points 1 year ago

No, it's actually very good.

[โ€“] jadedwench@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Yes. It is wrong. The gap isn't a big deal when you have both gotten to that mid 20s+, but who we are at 19 and 25 is vastly different. Please don't date teenagers. Don't make mental excuses to justify it. Take the compliment and move on.

I agree. I was in college at 19 and I would not have been able to grow as a person in the same way, if I had been dating a 25 year old at the time. You're just at different stages of life at this point.

I'm not saying it's impossible for this to work out well for some people. Clearly in the comments here it has, and I have friends with a greater age difference who are now happily married.

But in general, no I don't think this is a good idea. If it was the same age gap but meeting later in life, no big deal. But a 19 year old is at a very different point in life than a 25 year old and she needs to be able to grow on her own outside of a relationship with an older person.

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[โ€“] focusforte@lemmy.world -2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You are right to consider the age gap, I would say the best bet for you to mitigate your concerns is to not put any sort of commitment in place until she's old enough that you're not concerned about the age gap anymore.

At 19 years old, you're not even old enough to drink if you're interested the US. I would probably say give her until 22 before you do anything that's going to evolve any sort of commitment or possible long-term consequence for either of you. In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with some low commitment dating.

[โ€“] MTK@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Thank you! This is a really interesting tip!

[โ€“] dep@lemmy.world -3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Anyone can date a girl over 18 so long as the relationship is consentual

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[โ€“] Mubelotix@jlai.lu -5 points 1 year ago

Imagine assuming someone is not mature enough without knowing the person that much. Not everyone is like you

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