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I think that the point cis woman make is that trans men who transitioned after puberty have different things going on with their bodies that cannot or will not be changed no matter how much work or change is done and then the concern is that a bad actor then has the average strength of a male (the general point of view being that sex-males are "generally stronger" than sex-females) will have a physical advantage that a potential female bad actor would (generally) not have. I think that is a valid concern for cis women to have I believe it is a valid discussion to be had. I will not dismiss their point of view or arguments. Plus, not all trans women are women that have transitioned - so imagine a bad actor with sexually abusive intentions, now a trans man without transition surgery is still capable of getting a cis women pregnant when a bad actor cis women cannot. I also think this is at a valid concern worth at least listening to. I don't think you can ethically just disregard these concerns.
first, you have your terms backwards. Trans men were assigned female at birth and transitioned to male. They want to be able to use the men's restroom. You are discussing trans women's right to use the women's bathroom.
What does the physical size of some trans women have to do with anything? There are a lot of gay men who are bigger and stronger than me, if a "bad actor" wanted to sexually assault me, the men's bathroom would be the perfect place for them to do it. Should we ban gay men from straight men's restrooms because of some men would have that fear? No, and the reason is because it's not a valid fear, it's in my head (or was), it's not likely. Does that mean no gay man has ever assaulted a straight man in a restroom? Of course not, but it just not a realistic fear. It's in their head. It's a phobia.
Cis women who are uncomfortable sharing a bathroom with trans women are uncomfortable not because they have seen big hair men in dresses eyeballing them in bathrooms, but because they are irrationally afraid of that. It's not a valid fear, because it doesn't happen. It's a phobia. Cis women are just as safe with a trans woman in the bathroom than they are with other cis women in a bathroom. That is an indisputable fact based on all actual evidence. Anything else is an irrational fear based on prejudice and ignorance and you are validating that. That means you are supporting transphobia right now, whether you want to admit it or not.