this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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Autism

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I don't understand why I can't be blunt. (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by larsthespacepirate@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
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lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let's try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I'm coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it's so annoying when my family, who knows I'm autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I've explained multiple times that I'm not trying to be rude and I'm just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn't work. I just don't understand why I have to say "hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)" in some high pitched voice when I could just say, "can you not let the dogs tangle?" in a tone that conveys I'm serious. it's so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

edit: I'm having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it's helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)

another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I've tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they've been unsuccessful but I'm continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it's not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.

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[–] LostCause@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Rhetoric in my eyes exists mainly to soothe, people want and need positive affirmations and are persuaded by mostly that which tells them what they want to hear, so if you tell them something that they don’t want to hear (like a criticism) it’s best so sandwich it into other positive things they do want to hear (like thank you or a positive voice) to soothe them into compliance.

Now that I read all this I honestly question whether I‘m a bit autistic too tbh, I like it online so much cause I can be blunt or more accurately truthful sometimes if I want without too much negative consequence, but IRL I basically always wear a mask hiding away my darkest thoughts cause I know they are unwanted and will be rejected by anyone but my therapist.